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choosing discipline contrary to your mother's judgment？ Yet she could
not know all。 I thought it her kindness in not liking me to lose the
pleasure。 Besides； one must act for oneself； and this was only my own
personal amusement。'
'Yes；' said Amy； timidly hesitating。
'Well？' said he； with the gentle； deferential tone that contrasted with
his hasty； vehement self…accusations。 'Well？' and he waited； though
not so as to hurry or frighten her； but to encourage； by showing her
words had weight。
'I was thinking of one thing；' said Amy； 'is it not sometimes right to
consider whether we ought to disappoint people who want us to be
pleased？'
'There it is； I believe；' said Guy； stopping and considering； then
going on with a better satisfied air； 'that is a real rule。 Not to be
so bent on myself as to sacrifice other people's feelings to what seems
best for me。 But I don't see whose pleasure I interfered with。'
Amy could have answered； 'Mine；' but the maidenly feeling checked her
again； and she said； 'We all thought you would like it。'
'And I had no right to sacrifice your pleasure！ I see； I see。 The
pleasure of giving pleasure to others is so much the best there is on
earth； that one ought to be passive rather than interfere with it。'
'Yes；' said Amy； 'just as I have seen Mary Ross let herself be swung
till she was giddy； rather than disappoint Charlotte and Helen； who
thought she liked it。'
'If one could get to look at everything with as much indifference as
the swinging！ But it is all selfishness。 It is as easy to be selfish
for one's own good as for one's own pleasure； and I dare say； the first
is as bad as the other。'
'I was thinking of something else；' said Amy。 'I should think it more
like the holly tree in Southey。 Don't you know it？ The young leaves
are sharp and prickly； because they have so much to defend themselves
from； but as the tree grows older； it leaves off the spears； after it
has won the victory。'
'Very kind of you； and very pretty； Amy；' said he； smiling； 'but； in
the meantime； it is surely wrong to be more prickly than is
unavoidable； and there is the perplexity。 Selfish！ selfish！ selfish！
Oneself the first object。 That is the root。'
'Guy； if it is not impertinent to ask； I do wish you would tell me one
thing。 Why did you think it wrong to go to that ball？' said Amy；
timidly。
'I don't know that I thought it wrong to go to that individual ball；'
said Guy； 'but my notion was； that altogether I was getting into a
rattling idle way； never doing my proper quantity of work； or doing it
properly； and talking a lot of nonsense sometimes。 I thought； last
Sunday； it was time to make a short turn somewhere and bring myself up。
I could not； or did not get out of the pleasant talks as Laura does； so
I thought giving up this ball would punish me at once； and set me on a
new tack of behaving like a reasonable creature。'
'Don't call yourself too many names； or you won't be civil to us。 We
all； except Laura； have been quite as bad。'
'Yes； but you had not so much to do。'
'We ought；' said Amy； 'but I meant to be reasonable when Eveleen is
gone。'
Perhaps I ought to have waited till then； but I don't know。 Lady
Eveleen is so amusing that it leads to farther dawdling； and it would
not do to wait to resist the temptation till it is out of the way。'
As he spoke； they saw Mrs。 Edmonstone coming out； and went to meet her。
Guy told her his trouble； detailing it more calmly than before he had
found out his mistake。 She agreed with him that this had been in
forgetting that his attending the ball did not concern only himself；
but he then returned to say that he could not see what difference it
made； except to their own immediate circle。
'If it was not you； Guy； who made that speech； I should call it fishing
for a compliment。 You forget that rank and station make people sought
after。'
'I suppose there is something in that；' said Guy； thoughtfully； 'at any
rate； it is no bad thing to think so； it is so humiliating。'
'That is not the way most people would take it。'
'No？ Does not it prevent one from taking any attention as paid to
one's real self？ The real flattering thing would be to be made as much
of as Philip is； for one's own merits； and not for the handle to one's
name。'
'Yes； I think so；' said Amy。
'Well； then；' as if he wished to gather the whole conversation into one
resolve； the point is to consider whether abstaining from innocent
things that may be dangerous to oneself mortifies other people。 If so；
the vexing them is a certain wrong； whereas the mischief of taking the
pleasure is only a possible contingency。 But then one must take it out
of oneself some other way； or it becomes an excuse for self…
indulgence。'
'Hardly with you；' said Mrs。 Edmonstone； smiling。
'Because I had rather go at it at once； and forget all about other
people。 You must teach me consideration； Mrs。 Edmonstone； and in the
meantime will you tell me what you think I had better do about this
scrape？'
'Let it alone；' said Mrs。 Edmonstone。 'You have begged every one's
pardon； and it had better be forgotten as fast as possible。 They have
made more fuss already than it is worth。 Don't torment yourself about
it any more； for； if you have made a mistake； it is on the right side；
and on the first opportunity； I'll go and call on Mrs。 Deane； and see
if she is very implacable。'
The dressing…bell rang； and Amy ran up…stairs； stopping at Laura's
door； to ask how she prospered in the drive she had been taking with
Charles and Eveleen。
Amy told her of Guy's trouble； and oh！ awkward question； inquired if
she could guess what it could be that Philip imagined that Guy had been
offended at。
'Can't he guess？' said poor Laura； to gain time； and brushing her hair
over her face。
'No； he has no idea； though Philip protested that he knew； and would
not tell him。 Philip must have been most tiresome。'
'What？ Has Guy been complaining？'
'No； only angry with himself for being vexed。 I can't think how Philip
can go on so！'
'Hush！ hush； Amy； you know nothing about it。 He has reasons'
'I know；' said Amy； indignantly； 'but what right has he to go on
mistrusting？ If people are to be judged by their deeds； no one is so
good as Guy； and it is too bad to reckon up against him all his
ancestors have done。 It is wolf and lamb； indeed。'
'He does not！' cried Laura。 'He never is unjust！ How can you say so；
Amy？'
'Then why does he impute motives； and not straightforwardly tell what
he means？'
'It is impossible in this case；' said Laura。
'Do you know what it is？'
'Yes；' said Laura； perfectly truthful； and feeling herself in a
dreadful predicament。
'And you can't tell me？'
'I don't think I can。'
'Nor Guy？'
'Not for worlds；' cried Laura； in horror。
'Can't you get Philip to tell him？'
'Oh no； no！ I can't explain it； Amy； and all that can be done is to
let it die away as fast as possible。 It is only the rout about it that
is of consequence。'
'It is very odd；' said Amy； 'but I must dress；' and away she ran； much
puzzled； but with no desire to look into Philip's secrets。
Laura rested her head on her hand； sighed； and wondered why it was so
hard to answer。 She almost wished she had said Philip had been
advising her to discourage any attachment on Guy's part； but then Amy
might have laughed； and asked why。 No！ no！ Philip's confidence was in
her keeping； and cost her what it might； she would be faithful to the
trust。
There was now a change。 The evenings were merry； but the mornings were
occupied。 Guy went off to his room； as he used to do last winter；
Laura commenced some complicated perspective； or read a German book
with a great deal of dictionary； Amy had a book of history； and
practised her music diligently； even Charles read more to himself； and
resumed the study with Guy and Amy； Lady Eveleen joined in every one's
pursuits； enjoyed them； and lamented to Laura that it was impossible to
be rational at her own home。
Laura tried to persuade her that there was no need that she should be
on the level of the society round her； and it ended in her spending an
hour in diligent study every morning； promising to continue it when she
went home； while Laura made such sensible comments that Eveleen admired
her more than ever； and she； knowing that some were second…hand from
Philip； others arising from his suggestions； gave him all the homage
paid to herself； as a tribute to him who reigned over her whole being。
Yet she was far from happy。 Her reserve towards Guy made her feel
stiff and guarded； she had a craving for Philip's presence； with a
dread of show