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assistance； would become known； and lead to the loss of his character
and situation。 Guy stood and considered。 He had an impulse； but he
did not think it a safe one； and resolved to give himself time。
'I do not say that I cannot help you；' he answered； 'but I must have
time to consider。'
'Time！ would you see me ruined while you are considering？'
'I suppose this must be paid immediately。 Where do you lodge？'
Mr。 Dixon told him the street and number。
'You shall hear from me to…morrow morning。 I cannot trust my present
thoughts。 Good night！'
Mr。 Dixon would fain have guessed whether the present thoughts were
favourable； but all his hope in his extremity was in his nephew； it
might be fatal to push him too far； and； with a certain trust in his
good…nature； Sebastian allowed him to walk away without further
remonstrance。
Guy knew his own impetuous nature too well to venture to act on impulse
in a doubtful case。 He had now first to consider what he was able to
do； and secondly what he would do； and this was not as clear to his
mind as in the earlier days of his acquaintance with his uncle。
Their intercourse had never been on a comfortable footing。 It would
perhaps have been better if Philip's advice had been followed； and no
connection kept up。 Guy had once begged for some definite rule； since
there was always vexation when he was known to have been with his
uncle； and yet Mr。 Edmonstone would never absolutely say he ought not
to see him。 As long as his guardian permitted it； or rather winked at
it； Guy did not think it necessary to attend to Philip's marked
disapproval。 Part of it was well founded； but part was dislike to all
that might be considered as vulgar； and part was absolute injustice to
Sebastian Dixon； there was everything that could offend in his line of
argument； and in the very circumstance of his interfering； and Guy had
a continual struggle； in which he was not always successful； to avoid
showing the affront he had taken； and to reason down his subsequent
indignation。 The ever…recurring irritation which Philip's conversation
was apt to cause him； made him avoid it as far as he could； and retreat
in haste from the subjects on which they were most apt to disagree； and
so his manner had assumed an air of reserve； and almost of distrust；
with his cousin； that was very unlike its usual winning openness。
This had been one unfortunate effect of his intercourse with his uncle；
and another was a certain vague； dissatisfied feeling which his
silence； and Philip's insinuations respecting the days he spent in
London； left on Mr。 Edmonstone's mind； and which gained strength from
their recurrence。 The days were； indeed； not many； it was only that in
coming from and going to Oxford； he slept a night at an hotel in London
（for his uncle never would take him to his lodgings； never even would
tell him where they were； but always gave his address at the place of
his engagement）； was conducted by him to some concert in the evening；
and had him to breakfast in the morning。 He could not think there was
any harm in this； he explained all he had done to Mr。 Edmonstone the
first time； but nothing was gained by it： his visits to London
continued to be treated as something to be excused or overlookedas
something not quite correct。
He would almost have been ready to discontinue them； but that he saw
that his uncle regarded him with affection； and he could not bear the
thought of giving up a poor relation for the sake of the opinion of his
rich friends。 These meetings were the one pure pleasure to which
Sebastian looked； recalling to him the happier days of his youth； and
of his friendship with Guy's father； and when Guy perceived how he
valued them； it would have seemed a piece of cruel neglect to gratify
himself by giving the time to Hollywell。
Early in the course of their acquaintance； the importunity of a
creditor revealed that； in spite of his handsome salary； Sebastian
Dixon was often in considerable distress for money。 In process of
time； Guy discovered that at the time his uncle had been supporting his
sister and her husband in all the luxury he thought befitted their
rank； he had contracted considerable debts； and he had only been able
to return to England on condition of paying so much a…year to his
creditors。 This left him very little on which to maintain his family；
but still his pride made him bent on concealing his difficulties； and
it was not without a struggle that he would at first consent to receive
assistance from his nephew。
Guy resolved that these debts； which he considered as in fact his
father's own； should be paid as soon as he had the command of his
property； but； in the meantime； he thought himself bound to send his
uncle all the help in his power； and when once the effort of accepting
it at all was over； Dixon's expectations extended far beyond his power。
His allowance was not large； and the constant requests for a few pounds
to meet some pressing occasion were more than he could well meet。 They
kept him actually a great deal poorer than men without a tenth part of
his fortune； and at the end of the term he would look back with
surprise at having been able to pay his way； but still he contrived
neither to exceed his allowance； nor to get into debt。 This was；
indeed； only done by a rigid self…denial of little luxuries such as
most young men look on nearly as necessaries； but he had never been
brought up to think self…indulgence a consequence of riches； he did not
care what was said of him； he had no expensive tastes； for he did not
seek after society； so that he was not ill…prepared for such a course；
and only thought of it as an assistance in abstaining from the time…
wasting that might have tempted him if he had had plenty of money to
spend。
The only thing that concerned him was a growing doubt lest he might be
feeding extravagance instead of doing good； and the more he disliked
himself for the suspicion； the more it would return。 There was no
doubt much distress； the children were sickly； several of them died；
the doctor's bills； and other expenses； pressed heavily； and Guy blamed
himself for having doubted。 Yet； again； he could not conceal from
himself traces that his uncle was careless and imprudent。 He had once；
indeed； in a violent fit of self…reproach； confessed as much； allowed
that what ought to have been spent in the maintenance of his family；
had gone in gambling； but immediately after； he had been seized with a
fit of terror； and implored Guy to guard the secret； since； if once it
came to the knowledge of his creditors； it would be all over with him。
Concealment of his present difficulties was therefore no less necessary
than assistance in paying the sum he owed。 Indeed； as far as Guy was
able to understand his confused statement； what he wanted was at once
to pay a part of his debt； before he could go on to a place where he
was engaged to perform； and where he would earn enough to make up the
rest。
Guy had intended to have sent for Deloraine； but had since given up the
idea； in order to be able to help forward some plans of Miss
Wellwood's； and resigning this project would enable him to place thirty
pounds at his uncle's disposal； leaving him just enough to pay his
expenses at South Moor； and carry him back to Hollywell。 It was sorely
against his inclination that； instead of helping a charity； his savings
should go to pay gaming debts； and his five…miles walk was spent in
self…debate on the right and wrong of the matter； and questions what
should be done for the futurefor he was beginning to awaken to the
sense of his responsibility； and feared lest he might be encouraging
vice。
Very early next morning Guy put his head into his tutor's room；
announced that he must walk into St。 Mildred's on business； but should
be back by eleven at the latest； ran down…stairs； called Bustle； and
made interest with the farmer's wife for a hunch of dry bread and a cup
of new milk。
Then rejoicing that he had made up his mind； though not light…hearted
enough to whistle； he walked across the moorland； through the white
morning mist； curling on the sides of the hills in fantastic forms； and
now and then catching his lengthened shadow； so as to make him smile by
reminding him of the spectre of the Brocken。
Not without difficulty； he found a back street； and a little shop；
where a slovenly maid was sweeping the steps； and the shutters were not
yet taken down。 He asked if Mr。 Dixon lodged there。 'Yes；' the woman
said； staring in amazement that such a gentleman could be there at that
time in the morning； asking for Mr。 Dixon。
'Is he at home？'
'Yes； sir but he is not up yet。 He was very late last night。 Did you
want to speak to h