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theory that bibliomania can be aborted； but a very large majority of his
profession are of the opinion that the actual malady must needs run a
regular course； and they insist that the cases quoted as cured by Woodbury
were not genuine； but were bastard or false phases； of the same class as the
chickenpox and the German measles。
My mania exhibited itself first in an affectation for old books； it
mattered not what the book itself wasso long as it bore an ancient date
upon its title…page or in its colophon I pined to possess it。 This was not
only a vanity； but a very silly one。 In a month's time I had got together a
large number of these old tomes； many of them folios； and nearly all badly
worm…eaten； and sadly shaken。
One day I entered a shop kept by a man named Stibbs； and asked if I
could procure any volumes of sixteenth…century print。
‘‘Yes；'' said Mr。 Stibbs； ‘‘we have a cellarful of them； and we sell them
by the ton or by the cord。''
That very day I dispersed my hoard of antiques； retaining only my
Prynne's ‘‘Histrio… Mastix'' and my Opera Quinti Horatii Flacci （8vo；
Aldus； Venetiis； 1501）。 And then I became interested in British balladry…
…a noble subject； for which I have always had a veneration and love； as the
well…kept and profusely annotated volumes in cases 3； 6； and 9 in the front
room are ready to prove to you at any time you choose to visit my quiet；
pleasant home。
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THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF A BIBLIOMANIAC
V
BALDNESS AND INTELLECTUALITY
One of Judge Methuen's pet theories is that the soul in the human body
lies near the center of gravity； this is； I believe； one of the tenets of the
Buddhist faith； and for a long time I eschewed it as one might shun a vile
thing； for I feared lest I should become identified even remotely with any
faith or sect other than Congregationalism。
Yet I noticed that in moments of fear or of joy or of the sense of any
other emotion I invariably experienced a feeling of goneness in the pit of
my stomach； as if； forsooth； the center of my physical system were also
the center of my nervous and intellectual system； the point at which were
focused all those devious lines of communication by means of which
sensation is instantaneously transmitted from one part of the body to
another。
I mentioned this circumstance to Judge Methuen； and it seemed to
please him。 ‘‘My friend；'' said he； ‘‘you have a particularly sensitive soul；
I beg of you to exercise the greatest prudence in your treatment of it。 It is
the best type of the bibliomaniac soul； for the quickness of its
apprehensions betokens that it is alert and keen and capable of
instantaneous impressions and enthusiasms。 What you have just told me
convinces me that you are by nature qualified for rare exploits in the
science and art of book…collecting。 You will presently become bald
perhaps as bald as Thomas Hobbes wasfor a vigilant and active soul
invariably compels baldness； so close are the relations between the soul
and the brain； and so destructive are the growth and operations of the soul
to those vestigial features which humanity has inherited from those grosser
animals； our prehistoric ancestors。''
You see by this that Judge Methuen recognized baldness as prima…
facie evidence of intellectuality and spirituality。 He has collected much
literature upon the subject； and has promised the Academy of Science to
prepare and read for the instruction of that learned body an essay
demonstrating that absence of hair from the cranium （particularly from the
superior regions of the frontal and parietal divisions） proves a departure
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THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF A BIBLIOMANIAC
from the instincts and practices of brute humanity； and indicates surely the
growth of the understanding。
It occurred to the Judge long ago to prepare a list of the names of the
famous bald men in the history of human society； and this list has grown
until it includes the names of thousands； representing every profession and
vocation。 Homer； Socrates； Confucius； Aristotle； Plato； Cicero； Pliny；
Maecenas； Julius Caesar； Horace； Shakespeare； Bacon； Napoleon
Bonaparte； Dante； Pope； Cowper； Goldsmith； Wordsworth； Israel Putnam；
John Quincy Adams； Patrick Henrythese geniuses all were bald。 But
the baldest of all was the philosopher Hobbes； of whom the revered John
Aubrey has recorded that ‘‘he was very bald； yet within dore he used to
study and sitt bare…headed； and said he never took cold in his head； but
that the greatest trouble was to keepe off the flies from pitching on the
baldness。''
In all the portraits and pictures of Bonaparte which I have seen； a
conspicuous feature is that curl or lock of hair which depends upon the
emperor's forehead； and gives to the face a pleasant degree of picturesque
distinction。 Yet this was a vanity； and really a laughable one； for early in
life Bonaparte began to get bald； and this so troubled him that he sought to
overcome the change it made in his appearance by growing a long strand
of hair upon his occiput and bringing it forward a goodly distance in such
artful wise that it right ingeniously served the purposes of that Hyperion
curl which had been the pride of his youth； but which had fallen early
before the ravages of time。
As for myself； I do not know that I ever shared that derisive opinion in
which the unthinking are wont to hold baldness。 Nay； on the contrary； I
have always had especial reverence for this mark of intellectuality； and I
agree with my friend Judge Methuen that the tragic episode recorded in
the second chapter of II。 Kings should serve the honorable purpose of
indicating to humanity that bald heads are favored with the approval and
the protection of Divinity。
In my own case I have imputed my early baldness to growth in
intellectuality and spirituality induced by my fondness for and devotion to
books。 Miss Susan； my sister； lays it to other causes； first among which
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THE LOVE AFFAIRS OF A BIBLIOMANIAC
she declares to be my unnatural practice of reading in bed； and the second
my habit of eating welsh…rarebits late of nights。 Over my bed I have a
gas…jet so properly shaded that the rays of light are concentrated and
reflected downward upon the volume which I am reading。
Miss Susan insists that much of this light and its attendant heat falls
upon my head； compelling there a dryness of the scalp whereby the
follicles have been deprived of their natural nourishment and have
consequently died。 She furthermore maintains that the welsh…rarebits of
which I partake invariably at the eleventh hour every night breed
poisonous vapors and subtle megrims within my stomach； which humors；
rising by their natural courses to my brain； do therein produce a fever
that from within burneth up the fluids necessary to a healthy condition of
the capillary growth upon the super… adjacent and exterior cranial
integument。
Now； this very declaration of Miss Susan's gives me a potent argument
in defence of my practices； for； being bald； would not a neglect of those
means whereby warmth is engendered where it is needed result in colds；
quinsies； asthmas； and a thousand other banes？ The same benignant
Providence which； according to Laurence Sterne； tempereth the wind to
the shorn lamb provideth defence and protection for the bald。 Had I not
loved books； the soul in my midriff had not done away with those
capillary vestiges of my simian ancestry which originally flourished upon
my scalp； had I not become bald； the delights and profits of