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“I ha’ been walking up an’ down。”
“I thought so。 But ’tis too bad a night for that。 The rain falls
very heavy； and the wind has risen。”
The wind？ True。 It was blowing hard。 Hark to the thundering
in the chimney； and the surging noise！ To have been out in such a
wind； and not to have known it was blowing！
“I have been here once before today； Stephen Landlady came
round for me at dinner…time。 There was some one here who
needed looking to； she said。 And ’deed she was right。 All
wandering and lost； Stephen。 Wounded too； and bruised。”
He slowly moved to a chair and sat down； drooping his head
before her。
“I came to do what little I could； Stephen； first for that she
worked with me when we were girls both； and for that you courted
and married her when I was her friend—” He laid his furrowed
forehead on his hand； with a low groan。
“And next； for that I know your heart； and am right sure and
certain； that ’tis far too merciful to let her die； or even so much as
suffer； for want of aid。 Thou knowest who said； ‘Let him who is
without sin among you cast the first stone at her！’ There have been
plenty to do that。 Thou art not the man to cast the last stone；
Stephen； when she is brought so low。”
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“O Rachael； Rachael！”
“Thou hast been a cruel sufferer； Heaven reward thee！” she
said； in compassionate accents。 “I am thy poor friend； with all my
heart and mind。”
The wounds of which she had spoken； seemed to be about the
neck of the self…made outcast。 She dressed them now； still without
showing her。 She steeped a piece of linen in a basin； into which
she poured some liquid from a bottle； and laid it with a gentle
hand upon the sore。 The three…legged table had been drawn close
to the bedside； and on it there were two bottles。 This was one。
It was not so far off； but that Stephen； following her hands with
his eyes； could read what was printed on it； in large letters。 He
turned of a deadly hue； and a sudden horror seemed to fall upon
him。
“I will stay here； Stephen；” said Rachael； quietly resuming her
seat； “till the bells go Three。 ’Tis to be done again at three； and
then she may be left till morning。”
“But thy rest agen tomorrow’s work； my dear。”
“I slept sound last night。 I can wake many nights； when I am
put to it。 ’Tis thou who art in need of rest—so white and tired。 Try
to sleep in the chair there； while I watch。 Thou hadst no sleep last
night； I can well believe。 To…morrow’s work is far harder for thee
than for me。”
He heard the thundering and surging out of doors； and it
seemed to him as if his late angry mood were going about trying to
get at him。 She had cast it out； she would keep it out； he trusted to
her to defend him from himself。
“She don’t know me； Stephen； she just drowsily mutters and
stares。 I have spoken to her times and again； but she don’t notice！
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Hard Times 112
’Tis as well so。 When she comes to her right mind once more； I
shall have done what I can； and she never the wiser。”
“How long； Rachael； is’t looked for； that she’ll be so？”
“Doctor said she would haply come to her mind tomorrow。”
His eyes again fell on the bottle； and a tremble passed over him；
causing him to shiver in every limb。 She thought he was chilled
with the wet。 “No；” he said； “it was not that。 He had had a fright。”
“A fright？”
“Ay； ay！ coming in。 When I were walking。 When I were
thinking。 When I—” It seized him again； and he stood up； holding
by the mantle…shelf； as he pressed his dank cold hair down with a
hand that shook as if it were palsied。
“Stephen！”
She was coming to him； but he stretched out his arm to stop
her。
“No！ Don’t please； don’t！ Let me see thee setten by the bed。 Let
me see thee； a’ so good； and so forgiving。 Let me see thee as I have
seen thee when I coom in。 I can never see thee better than so。
Never； never； never！”
He had a violent fit of trembling； and then sunk into his chair。
After a time he controlled himself； and resting with an elbow on
one knee； and his head upon that hand； could look toward
Rachael。 Seen across the dim candle with his moistened eyes； she
looked as if she had a glory shining round her head。 He could have
believed she had。 He did believe it； as the noise without shook the
window； rattled at the door below； and went about the house
clamouring and lamenting。
“When she gets better； Stephen； ’tis to be hoped she’ll leave
thee to thyself again； and do thee no more hurt。 Anyways we will
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Hard Times 113
hope so now。 And now I shall keep silence； for I want thee to
sleep。”
He closed his eyes； more to please her than to rest his weary
head； but； by slow degrees as he listened to the great noise of the
wind； he ceased to hear it； or it changed into the working of his
loom； or even into the voices of the day （his own included） saying
what had been really said。 Even this imperfect consciousness
faded away at last； and he dreamed a long； troubled dream。
He thought that he； and some one on whom his heart had long
been set—but she was not Rachael； and that surprised him； even
in the midst of his imaginary happiness—stood in the church
being married。 While the ceremony was performing； and while he
recognised among the witnesses some whom he knew to be living；
and many whom he knew to be dead； darkness came on；
succeeded by the shining of a tremendous light。 It broke from one
line in the table of commandments at the altar； and illuminated
the building with the words。 They were sounded through the
church too； as if there were voices in the fiery letters。 Upon this；
the whole appearance before him and around him changed； and
nothing was left as it had been； but himself and the clergyman。
They stood in the daylight before a crowd so vast； that if all the
people in the world could have been brought together into one
space； they could not have looked； he thought； more numerous；
and they all abhorred him； and there was not one pitying or
friendly eye among the millions that were fastened on his face。 He
stood on a raised stage； under his own loom； and； looking up at the
shape the loom took； and hearing the burial service distinctly read；
he knew that he was there to suffer death。 In an instant what he
stood on fell below him； and he was gone。
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Hard Times 114
Out of what mystery he came back to his usual life； and to
places that he knew； he was unable to consider； but he was back in
those places by some means； and with this condemnation upon
him； that he was never； in this world or the next； through all the
unimaginable ages of eternity； to look on Rachael’s face or hear
her voice。 Wandering to fro； unceasingly； without hope； and in
search of he knew not what （he only knew that he was doomed to
seek it）； he was the subject of a nameless； horrible dread； a mortal
fear of one particular shape which everything took。 Whatsoever he
looked at； grew into that form sooner or later。 The object of his
miserable