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something to eat； listen to me with the full heed of an empty belly。
Which would you prefer？ To be sold or to cry with hunger？
DAUGHTERS
To be sold； to be sold！
MEGARIAN
That is my opinion too。 But who would make so sorry a deal as to
buy you？ Ah！ I recall me a Megarian trick； I am going to disguise
you as little porkers； that I am offering for sale。 Fit your hands
with these hoofs and take care to appear the issue of a sow of good
breed； for； if I am forced to take you back to the house； by Hermes！
you will suffer cruelly of hunger！ Then fix on these snouts and cram
yourselves into this sack。 Forget not to grunt and to say wee…wee like
the little pigs that are sacrificed in the Mysteries。 I must summon
Dicaeopolis。 Where is be？ （Loudly） Dicaeopolis； do you want to buy
some nice little porkers？
DICAEOPOLIS （coming out of his house）
Who are you？ a Megarian？
MEGARIAN
I have come to your market。
DICAEOPOLIS
Well； how are things at Megara？
MEGARIAN
We are crying with hunger at our firesides。
DICAEOPOLIS
The fireside is jolly enough with a piper。 But what else is
doing at Megara？
MEGARIAN
What else？ When I left for the market； the authorities were taking
steps to let us die in the quickest manner。
DICAEOPOLIS
That is the best way to get you out of all your troubles。
MEGARIAN
True。
DICAEOPOLIS
What other news of Megara？ What is wheat selling at？
MEGARIAN
With us it is valued as highly as the very gods in heaven！
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it salt that you are bringing？
MEGARIAN
Aren't you the ones that are holding back the salt？
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it garlic then？
MEGARIAN
What！ garlic！ do you not at every raid like mice grub up the
ground with your pikes to pull out every single head？
DICAEOPOLIS
What are you bringing then？
MEGARIAN
Little sows； like those they immolate at the Mysteries。
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah！ very well； show me them。
MEGARIAN
They are very fine； feel their weight。 See！ how fat and fine。
DICAEOPOLIS （feeling around in the sack）
Hey！ what's this？
MEGARIAN
A sow。
DICAEOPOLIS
A sow； you say？ Where from； then？
MEGARIAN
From Megara。 What！ isn't it a sow then？
DICAEOPOLIS （feeling around in the sack again）
No； I don't believe it is。
MEGARIAN
This is too much！ what an incredulous man！ He says it's not a sow；
but we will stake； if you will； a measure of salt ground up with
thyme； that in good Greek this is called a sow and nothing else。
DICAEOPOLIS
But a sow of the human kind。
MEGARIAN
Without question； by Diocles！ of my own breed！ Well！ What think
you？ would you like to hear them squeal？
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes； I would。
MEGARIAN
Cry quickly； wee sowlet； squeak up； hussy； or by Hermes！ I take you
back to the house。
DAUGHTERS
Wee…wee； wee…wee！
MEGARIAN
Is that a little sow； or not？
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes； it seems so； but let it grow up； and it will be a fine fat
thing。
MEGARIAN
In five years it will be just like its mother。
DICAEOPOLIS
But it cannot be sacrificed。
MEGARIAN
And why not？
DICAEOPOLIS
It has no tail。
MEGARIAN
Because it is quite young； but in good time it will have a big
one； thick and red。 But if you are willing to bring it up you will
have a very fine sow。
DICAEOPOLIS
The two are as like as two peas。
MEGARIAN
They are born of the same father and mother； let them be fattened；
let them grow their bristles； and they will be the finest sows you can
offer to Aphrodite。
DICAEOPOLIS
But sows are not immolated to Aphrodite。
MEGARIAN
Not sows to Aphrodite！ Why； she's the only goddess to whom they
are offered！ the flesh of my sows will be excellent on your spit。
DICAEOPOLIS
Can they eat alone？ They no longer need their mother？
MEGARIAN
Certainly not； nor their father。
DICAEOPOLIS
What do they like most？
MEGARIAN
Whatever is given them； but ask for yourself。
DICAEOPOLIS
Speak！ little sow。
DAUGHTERS
Wee…wee； wee…wee！
DICAEOPOLIS
Can you eat chick…pease？
DAUGHTERS
Wee…wee； wee…wee； wee…wee！
DICAEOPOLIS
And Attic figs？
DAUGHTERS
Wee…wee； wee…wee！
DICAEOPOLIS
What sharp squeaks at the name of figs。 Come； let some figs be
brought for these little pigs。 Will they eat them？ Goodness！ how
they munch them； what a grinding of teeth； mighty Heracles！ I
believe those pigs hail from the land of the Voracians。
MEGARIAN （aside）
But they have not eaten all the figs； I took this one myself。
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah！ what curious creatures！ For what sum will you sell them？
MEGARIAN
I will give you one for a bunch of garlic； and the other； if you
like； for a quart measure of salt。
DICAEOPOLIS
I'll buy them。 Wait for me here。
（He goes into the house。）
MEGARIAN
The deal is done。 Hermes； god of good traders； grant I may sell
both my wife and my mother in the same way！
（An INFORMER enters。）
INFORMER
Hi！ fellow； what country are you from？
MEGARIAN
I am a pig…merchant from Megara。
INFORMER
I shall denounce both your pigs and yourself as public enemies。
MEGARIAN
Ah！ here our troubles begin afresh！
INFORMER
Let go of that sack。 I'll teach you to talk Megarian！
MEGARIAN （loudly）
Dicaeopolis； want to denounce me。
DICAEOPOLIS （from within）
Who dares do this thing？ （He comes out of his house。）
Inspectors； drive out the informers。 Ah！ you offer to enlighten us
without a lamp！
INFORMER
What！ I may not denounce our enemies？
DICAEOPOLIS （With a threatening gesture）
Watch out for yourself； and go off pretty quick and denounce
elsewhere。
（The INFORMER runs away。）
MEGARIAN
What a plague to Athens！
DICAEOPOLIS
Be reassured； Megarian。 Here is the price for your two sowlets；
the garlic and the salt。 Farewell and much happiness！
MEGARIAN
Ah！ we never have that amongst us。
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh； I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing
MEGARIAN
Farewell； dear little sows； and seek； far from your father； to
munch your bread with salt； if they give you any。
（He departs and DICAEOPOLIS takes the 〃sows〃 into his house。）
CHORUS （singing）
Here is a man truly happy。 See how everything succeeds to his
wish。 Peacefully seated in his market； he will earn his living； woe to
Ctesias； and all other informers who dare to enter there！ You will not
be cheated as to the value of wares； you will not again see Prepis
wiping his big arse； nor will Cleonymus jostle you； you will take your
walks； clothed in a fine tunic； without meeting Hyperbolus and his
unceasing quibblings； without being accosted on the public place by
any importunate fellow； neither by Cratinus； shaven in the fashion
of the adulterers； nor by this musician； who plagues us with his silly
improvisations； that hyper…rogue Artemo； with his arm…pits stinking as
foul as a goat； like his father before him。 You will not be the butt
of the villainous Pauson's jeers； nor of Lysistratus； the disgrace
of the Cholargian deme； who is the incarnation of all the vices； and
endures cold and hunger more than thirty days in the month。
（A BOEOTIAN enters； followed by his slave； who is carrying a large
assortment of articles of food； and by a troop of flute players。）
BOEOTIAN
By Heracles！ my shoulder is quite black and blue。 Ismenias； put
the penny…royal down there very gently； and all of you； musicians from
Thebes； strike up on your bone flutes 〃The Dog's Arse。〃
（The Musicians immediately begin an atrocious rendition of a vulgar
tune。）
DICAEOPOLIS
Enough； damn you； get out of here Rascally hornets； away with you！
Whence has sprung this accursed swarm of Chaeris fellows which comes
assailing my door？
（The Musicians depart。）
BOEOTIAN
Ah！ by Iolas！ Drive them off； my dear host； you will please me
immensely； all the way from Thebes； they were there piping behind me
and they have completely stripped my penny…royal of its blossom。 But
will you buy anything of me； some chickens or some locusts？
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah！ good day； Boeotian。 eater of good round loaves。 What do you
bring？
BOEOTIAN
All that is good in Boeotia； marjoram； penny…royal； rush…mats；
lampwicks； ducks； jays； woodcocks； water…fowl； wrens； divers。
DICAEOPOLIS
A regular hail of birds is beating down on my market。
BOEOTIAN
I also bring geese； hares； foxes； moles； hedgehogs； cats； lyres；
martins； otters and eels from the Copai