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〃Because of you；〃 Twig growled。
Nothing could feel Twig's hands trembling in his grasp； aching to go for his throat。 He knew Twig could kill him in a heartbeat。 'Then save me for him。 Let him punish me for getting him hurt。 He'll be pissed if he es round and you've already sucked me dry； won't he？〃
Now Nothing was sure Twig wanted to rip his throat open。 Molochai would do it if Twig did。 They would kill him and then tear into Steve and Ghost。 Nothing met Twig's eyes and held them。 Twig was wilder and meaner； oh yes； Twig was the badass here。
But Nothing was smarter。
〃Zillah's lying there bleeding；〃 he said。 〃If you won't help me； I'll carry him out myself。 But he'll know what happened。〃
He jerked away from Twig and tensed； ready to fight if Twig lunged at him。
Twig's eyes blazed feral light。
Nothing blazed right back at him。
And Twig's eyes dropped。
Later； Steve would be unable to find the right words to tell Ghost how he had felt in the next few moments。 Ghost got it anyway； of course； but not because of Steve's attempt to describe it。
The atmosphere in the room changed subtly。 It had been electric； dangerous； full of blood and the possibility of murder。 But then something happened。
Steve considered himself much less perceptive than he really was。 What he would say to Ghost later was 〃If even I could feel it； it must have been there。〃 It was as if the kid were putting out pheromones or something。 Something that felt （he would shake his head and laugh a little； saying these words） like the essence of childhood lost。 This was baby powder and cigarette smoke； forgotten toys and eyeliner and torn black lace； nursery rhymes and clank nightclub restrooms haunted by a breath of vomit。 This was the distilled essence of all that was lost forever and all that came to replace it。
I'm twenty…three years old； thought Steve； though he didn't know why。 I'm supposed to be a grown…up。 This game is for keeps。 No one is ever going to e along and make everything all right for me again； because no one can。
Then all at once the strangeness was gone from the room； and there was only the electric tension again。 But it did not feel quite so murderous now。
〃You help me carry him；〃 Nothing told Molochai。 Then he glanced back at Twig。 〃'You go on out and start the van。〃
Twig's eyes flared again； and for a moment Steve thought the kid had pushed it too far。 But Twig just exhaled noisily…Steve smelled rotten blood…and left the room。
Nothing and Molochai got Zillah's arms around their necks and helped him up。 Nothing looked at Steve with wide brimming eyes； trying to smile。 Sadness and pride warred in his face。 〃I didn't let them hurt you；〃 he said。 〃Now maybe you'll believe me。 I never meant for any of this to happen。〃
Now that the fight was ebbing out of him； Steve felt weaker by the minute。 〃I just want you out of here；〃 he said。 〃All of you。〃
〃We're going。 Don't worry。〃 Nothing glanced at Ghost； and his carefully posed expression seemed to crumble a little； but he caught it quickly。
Steve's anger lessened as he looked at the kid。 Scruffy and none too clean； in ragged clothes and that damn phony…looking black dye job； looking as if he hadn't had a good night's sleep or a decent meal in weeks； there was nonetheless a strange； innocent dignity to him。 His features were clear and heartbreakingly young； and when he'd stood up with Zillah leaning against him； a kind of holiness had broken over his face。 A sense of rightness； of arriving at a place he had been seeking for a long time。
Next to him； the creeps looked worse than ever。
Ghost stared at Nothing。 As he had e awake； he had known something about Nothing； about his past。 A baby…a jumble of bright festive streets…a spreading pool of blood on a hardwood floor。 He had known that somehow Nothing was connected to the bad times that were ing； maybe already here。 Most of it was gone now； though he knew he could get it back if he tried。
Instead Ghost did something he could not remember doing before； not ever。 He tried to block Nothing out。 He tried to keep his mind from touching Nothing's； from sharing Nothing's secrets。 He did not want to know who Nothing really was； or where he had e from； or where he was going。 He did not want to feel this boy's pain because he could not lessen it。 Nothing was lost。 He might not know it yet but； what frightened Ghost still more； he might know it。 He might know it very well。 He might have chosen it。
Zillah swayed against his two supporters； nearly unconscious。 Beneath the blood and the swelling his face was androgynous and achingly beautiful in the way that a statue or a mask might be beautiful…smooth and symmetrical； but cold。 Bloomless。 His lips； purple with lipstick and gore； stretched tight across his broken teeth。 His slitted eyes burned bitter； the color of poison。
〃Is he okay？〃 asked Ghost。 〃Is he…〃 He stopped； his eyes widening。 A low sexless voice had begun to speak within his head。
No； I'm not okay； it said。 I am in terrible pain because your idiot friend surprised me with his baseball bat and my own lover betrayed me for the sake of your worthless songs。 So what？ I can take pain。 It will pass。 And if I choose to return and take my pain out of your hide； I will； my pretty seer。 Or； if you like； I'll shove my tongue down your throat and corrupt you with my spit。 Or； if you prefer； I'll unzip your skin and kiss you with your own heart…blood on my lips。 Are you tempted yet？
〃No；〃 said Ghost。 〃Get out of my head。〃 He was not sure if he had spoken aloud； it didn't matter。 He knew Zillah could hear him。 The voice crested into laughter； lewd and savage。 Ghost thought of a blank soul； a being with no morals and no passions except those that could be gratified at a moment's notice； a mad child allowed to rage out of control。
Now Ghost could only see Zillah and the others through a veil of tears。 Tears not for the awful feeling of having his thoughts raped by such a being； but for Nothing。 For that quiet little boy with the thin haunted face； with the dyed black hair。 For that boy who loved Zillah with all his soul。
〃Stop it；〃 said Nothing。 〃Please。 Everyone just stop it。 We're leaving right now。〃 He pulled Molochai and Zillah toward the door。
He hadn't meant to cause all this pain。 How could he have known what would happen？ No one had told him much of anything yet。 They had taught him how to rip through resisting flesh； how to coax the last drop of blood from a limp cold body that had once been warm and alive。 But no one had sat him down and told him how quickly and inexorably the other world the day world； he supposed…would begin to slip away。 Zillah hadn't said to him； We are your whole world now； we and others of our kind。 We are the only friends you can have now。 Or as Molochai and Twig might have put it； Everyone else is just cocktails。
He glanced back at Ghost one last time。 He wished he could crawl into bed with Ghost； pull the pile of patchwork quilts and scruffy blankets around him； and sleep in Ghost's arms。 Ghost would be a friend； not a wild and predatory master like Zillah。 If Ghost would love him； he might still have some choice as to what his life would be。
But Ghost did not want him。 And why think such thoughts anyway？ He had made his choice。 Not even a choice； really。 He had simply e home。
Steve got up to make sure the creeps were leaving。 The kid's big dark eyes were smeared with makeup and tears。 Steve felt a touch of pity for him。 He couldn't be much older than thirteen； right about now he ought to be cadging his first joint or his first feel； not breaking into people's houses with assholes like these。 But that was the kid's choice。 Pity wouldn't help him。 Steve looked back at Ghost on the bed； but Ghost was facing the window； avoiding everyone's eyes。
Steve followed them down the hall into the living room。 〃Don't go out the way you came in； huh？〃 he said。 〃Use the door this time。〃
The kid…Nothing； what a weird name； what a shitty name when you thought about it…turned as he went through the door and looked at Steve。 In those dark eyes Steve saw again the essence of childhood lost。 The dark innocence； the doomed sadness。 And the shame。
〃I'm sorry；〃 Nothing said again。
Inanely； Steve wanted to tell him it was okay。 But just then Zillah lifted his head and looked at Steve。 His eyes were dull； and the wreckage of his nose and mouth still oozed thick blood。 Steve hoped he was fucked up for good。 Brain…damaged； maybe。 But he managed to unglue his swollen lips and shape his mouth around four bitter words。 〃You'll pay for this；〃 he said。
Steve lunged at him。 〃GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE！〃 Broken nose and busted lip or not…
But Molochai and Nothing moved quickly； hauling Zillah out to the porch and down the steps。 Steve saw a dingy black van parked at the end of the driveway； its tailpipe already belching exhaust。 He thought of trying to get the license number； but knew he wouldn't call the cops： they were happy to bust you for underage drinking or possession of weed； but not too thrilled when you wanted anything else done。
Steve slammed the front door。 Thr