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obscured everything except the power which blazed from the core of the destruction。
It was green…white…savage； wild…mounting hugely toward its apocalypse。
But the white dominated and prevailed。
TWENTY…ONE
Leper's End
In that way； Thomas Covenant kept his promise。
For a long time afterward； he lay in a fortable grave of oblivion； buried in utter exhaustion； he floated through darkness…the disengaged no…man's…land between life and death。 He felt that he was effectively dead； insensate as death。 But his heart went on beating as if it lacked the wit or wisdom to stop when it had no more reason to go on。 Raggedly； frailly； it kept up his life。
And deep within him…in a place hidden somewhere； defended； inside the hard bone casque of his skull…he retained an awareness of himself。 That essential thing had not yet failed him； though it seemed to be soaking slowly away into the warm soft earth of his grave。
He wanted rest； he had earned rest。 But the release which had brought him to his present dim peace had been too expensive。 He could not approve。
Foamfollower is dead； he murmured silently。
There was no escape from guilt。 No answer covered everything。 For as long as he managed to live； he would never be clean。
He did not think that he could manage to live very long。
Yet something obdurate argued with him。 That wasn't your fault； it said。 You couldn't make his decisions for him。 Beyond a certain point； this responsibility of yours is only a more plex form of suicide。
He acknowledged the argument。 He knew from experience that lepers were doomed as soon as they began to feel that they were to blame for contracting leprosy； were responsible for being ill。 Perhaps guilt and mortality； physical limitation； were the same thing in the end…facts of life； irremediable； useless to protest。 Nevertheless Foamfollower was gone； and could never be restored。 Covenant would never hear him laugh again。
〃Then take peace in your other innocence；〃 said a voice out of the darkness。 〃You did not choose this task。 You did not undertake it of your own free will。 It was thrust upon you。 Blame belongs to the chooser； and this choice was made by one who elected you without your knowledge or consent。〃
Covenant did not need to ask who was speaking； he recognized the voice。 It belonged to the old beggar who had confronted him before his first experience in the Land…the old man who had urged him to keep his wedding band； and had made him read a paper on the fundamental question of ethics。
Dimly； he replied； 〃You must have been sure of yourself。〃
〃Sure？ Ah； no。 There was great hazard…risk for the world which I made…risk even for me。 Had my enemy gained the white wild magic gold； he would have unloosed himself from the Earth…destroyed it so that he might hurl himself against me。 No； Thomas Covenant。 I risked my trust in you。 My own hands were bound。 I could not touch the Earth to defend it without thereby undoing what I meant to preserve。 Only a free man could hope to stand against my enemy； hope to preserve the Earth。〃
Covenant heard sympathy； respect； even gratitude in the voice。 But he was unconvinced。 〃I wasn't free。 It wasn't my choice。〃
〃Ah； but you were…free of my suasion； my power； my wish to make you my tool。 Have I not said that the risk was great？ Choiceless； you were given the power of choice。 I elected you for the Land but did not pel you to serve my purpose in the Land。 You were free to damn Land and Earth and Time and all； if you chose。 Only through such a risk could I hope to preserve the rectitude of my creation。〃
In his darkness； Covenant shrugged。 〃I still wasn't free。 That singer …who called me Berek。 That revival。 The kid who got herself snakebit。 Maybe you left me free in the Land； but you didn't leave me alone in my own life。〃
〃No；〃 the voice responded softly。 〃I had no hand in those chances。 Had I done anything at all to shape you； you would have been my tool…effectless。 Without freedom； you could not have mastered my enemy…without independence…without the sovereignty of your own allegiance。 No； I risked too much when I spoke to you once。 I interfered in no other way。〃
Covenant did not like to think that he had been so pletely free to ruin the Land。 He had e so close！ For a while； he mused numbly to himself； measuring the Creator's risk。 Then he asked； 〃What made you think I wouldn't just collapse…wouldn't give up in despair？〃
The voice replied promptly。 〃Despair is an emotion like any other。 It is the habit of despair which damns； not the despair itself。 You were a man already acquainted with habit and despair…with the Law which both saves and damns。 Your knowledge of your illness made you wise。〃
Wise； Covenant murmured to himself。 Wisdom。 He could not understand why his witless heart went on beating。
〃Further； you were in your own way a creator。 You had already tasted the way in which a creator may be impotent to heal his creation。 It is ofttimes this impotence which teaches a creation to despair；〃
〃What about the creator？ Why doesn't he despair？〃
〃Why should he despair？ If he cannot bear the world he has made； he can make another。 No； Thomas Covenant。〃 The voice laughed softly； sadly。 〃Gods and creators are too powerful and powerless for despair。〃
Yes； Covenant said with his own sadness。 But then he added almost out of habit； It's not that easy。 He wanted the voice to go away； leave him alone with his oblivion。 But though it was silent； he knew it had not left him。 He drifted along beside it for a time； then gathered himself to ask； 〃What do you want？〃
〃Thomas Covenant〃…the voice was gentle…〃my unwilling son； I wish to give you a gift…a guerdon to speak my wordless gratitude。 Your world runs by Law； as does mine。 And by any Law I am in your debt。 You have retrieved my Earth from the brink of dissolution。 I could give you precious gifts a dozen times over； and still not call the matter paid。〃
A gift？ Covenant sighed to himself。 No。 He could not demean himself or the Creator by asking for a cure to leprosy。 He was about to refuse the offer when a sudden excitement flashed across him。 〃Save the Giant；〃 he said。 〃Save Foamfollower。〃
In a tone of ineffable rue； the voice answered； 〃No； Thomas Covenant…I cannot。 Have I not told you that I would break the arch of Time if I were to put my hand through it to touch the Earth？ No matter how great my gratitude； I can do nothing for you in the Land or upon that Earth。 If I could； I would never have permitted my enemy to do so much harm。''
Covenant nodded； he recognized the validity of the answer。 After a moment of emptiness； he said； 〃Then there's nothing you can do for me。 I told Foul I don't believe in him。 I don't believe in you either。 I've had the chance to make an important choice。 That's enough。 I don't need any gifts。 Gifts are too easy…I can't afford them。〃
〃Ah！ but you have earned…〃
〃I didn't earn anything。'' Faint anger stirred in him。 〃You didn't give me a chance to earn anything。 You put me in the Land without my approval or consent…even without my knowledge。 All I did was see the difference between health and…disease。 Well； it's enough for me。 But there's no particular virtue in it。〃
Slowly； the voice breathed。 〃Do not be too quick to judge the makers of worlds。 Will you ever write a story for which no character will have cause to reproach you？〃
〃I'll try；〃 said Covenant。 〃I'll try。〃
〃Yes；〃 the voice whispered。 〃Perhaps for you it is enough。 Yet for my own sake I wish to give you a gift。 Please permit me。〃
〃No。〃 Covenant's refusal was weary rather than belligerent。 He could not think of anything he would be able to accept。
〃I can return you to the Land。 You could live out the rest of your life in health and honor； as befits a great hero。〃
〃No。〃 Have mercy on me。 I couldn't bear it。 〃That's not my world。 I don' t belong there。〃
〃I can teach you to believe that your experiences in the Land have been real。〃
〃No。〃 It's not that easy。 〃You'll drive me insane。〃
Again the voice was silent for a while before it said in a tone made sharp by grief； 〃Very well。 Then hear me； Thomas Covenant； before you refuse me once more。 This I must tell you。
〃When the parents of the child whom you saved prehended what you had done； they sought to aid you。 You were injured and weak from hunger。 Your exertions to save the child had hastened the poison in your lip。 Your condition was grave。 They bore you to the hospital for treatment。 This treatment employs a thing which the Healers of your world name 'antivenin。' Thomas Covenant； this antivenin is made from the blood of horses。 Your body loathes…you are allergic to the horse serum。 It is a violent reaction。 In your weak state； you cannot survive it。 At this moment； you stand on the threshold of your own death。
〃Thomas Covenant…hear me。〃 The voice breathed passion at him。 〃I can give you life。 In this time of need； I can provide to your stricken flesh the strength it requires to endure。〃
Covenant did not answer for some time。 Somewhere in his half…forgotten past； he had heard that some people were allergic