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〃I pulled a gun on him；〃 he said； almost in a happy voice。 〃After all she is my mother。〃
〃Nobody can take that away from you。〃
He stood up； very straight； very tall。 〃I went over to the chair he sat in and reached down and put the gun against his face。 He had a gun in the pocket of his robe。 He tried to get it； but he didn't get it in time。 I took it away from him。 I put my gun back in my pocket。 I put the muzzle of the other gun against the side of his head and told him I would kill him； if he didn't produce his proof and give it to me。 He began to sweat and babble that he was just kidding me。 I clicked back the hammer on the gun to scare him some more。〃
He stopped and held a hand out in front of him。 The hand shook but as he stared down at it it got steady。 He dropped it to his side and looked me in the eye。
〃The gun must have been filed or had a very light action。 It went off。 I jumped back against the wall and knocked a picture down。 I jumped from surprise that the gun went off； but it kept the blood off me。 I wiped the gun off and put his fingers around it and then put it down on the floor close to his hand。 He was dead at once。 He hardly bled except the first spurt。 It was an accident。〃
〃Why spoil it？〃 I half sneered。 〃Why not make it a nice clean honest murder？〃
〃That's what happened。 I can't prove it； of course。 But I think I might have killed him anyway。 What about the police？〃
I stood up and shrugged my shoulders。 I felt tired； spent； drawn out and sapped。 My throat was sore from yapping and my brain ached from trying to keep my thoughts orderly。
〃I don't know about the police；〃 I said。 〃They and I are not very good friends； on account of they think I am holding out on them。 And God knows they are right。 They may get to you。 If you weren't seen； if you didn't leave any fingerprints around； and even if you did； if they don't have any other reason to suspect you and get your fingerprints to check； then they may never think of you。 If they find out about the doubloon and that it was the Murdock Brasher； I don't know where you stand。 It all depends on how well you stand up to them。〃
〃Except for mother's sake；〃 he said。 〃I don't very much care。 I've always been a flop。〃
〃And on the other hand；〃 I said； ignoring the feeble talk； 〃if the gun really has a very light action and you get a good lawyer and tell an honest story and so on； no jury will convict you。 Juries don't like blackmailers。〃
〃That's too bad；〃 he said。 〃Because I am not in a position to use that defense。 I don't know anything about blackmail。 Vannier showed me where I could make some money； and I needed it badly。〃
I said： 〃Uh…huh。 If they get you where you need the blackmail dope； you'll use it all right。 Your old lady will make you。 If it's her neck or yours； she'll spill。〃
〃It's horrible；〃 he said。 〃Horrible to say that。〃
〃You were lucky about that gun。 All the people we know have been playing with it； wiping prints off and putting them on。 I even put a set on myself just to be fashionable； it's tricky when the hand is still。 But I had to do it。 Morny was over there having his wife put hers on。 He thinks she killed Vannier； so she probably thinks he did。〃
He just stared at me。 I chewed my lip。 It felt as still as a piece of glass。
〃Well； I guess I'll just be running along now；〃 I said。
〃You mean you are going to let me get away with it？〃 His voice was getting a little supercilious again。
〃I'm not going to turn you in； if that's what you mean。 Beyond that I guarantee nothing。 If I'm involved in it； I'll have to face up to the situation。 There's no question of morality involved。 I'm not a cop nor a mon informer nor an officer of the court。 You say it was an accident。 Okay； it was an accident。 I wasn't a witness。 I haven't any proof either way。 I've been working for your mother and whatever right to my silence that gives her； she can have。 I don't like her； I don't like you； I don't like this house。 I didn't particularly like your wife。 But I like Merle。 She's kind of silly and morbid； but she's kind of sweet too。 And I know what has been done to her in this damn family for the past eight years。 And I know she didn't push anybody out of any window。 Does that explain matters？〃
He gobbled； but nothing came that was coherent。
〃I'm taking Merle home；〃 I said。 〃I asked your mother to send her clothes to my apartment in the morning。 In case she kind of forgets； being busy with her solitaire game； would you see that that is done？〃
He nodded dumbly。 Then he said in a queer small voice： 〃You are goingjust like that？ I haven'tI haven't even thanked you。 A man I hardly know； taking risks for meI don't know what to say。〃
〃I'm going the way I always go；〃 I said。 〃With an airy smile and a quick flip of the wrist。 And with a deep and heartfelt hope that I won't be seeing you in the fish bowl。 Good night。〃
I turned my back on him and went to the door and out。 I shut the door with a quiet firm click of the lock。 A nice smooth exit； in spite of all the nastiness。 For the last time I went over and patted the little painted Negro on the head and then walked across the long lawn by the moon…drenched shrubs and the deodar tree to the street and my car。
I drove back to Hollywood； bought a pint of good liquor； checked in at the Plaza； and sat on the side of the bed staring at my feet and lapping the whiskey out of the bottle。
Just like any mon bedroom drunk。
When I had enough of it to make my brain fuzzy enough to stop thinking； I undressed and got into bed and after a while； but not soon enough； I went to sleep。
35
It was three o'clock in the afternoon and there were five pieces of luggage inside the apartment door； side by side on the carpet。 There was my yellow cowhide； well scraped on both sides from being pushed around in the boots of cars。 There were two nice pieces of airplane luggage both marked L。M。 There was an old black imitation walrus thing marked M。D。 and there was one of these little leatherette overnight cases which you can buy in drugstores for a dollar forty…nine。
Dr。 Carl Moss had just gone out of the door cursing me because he had kept his afternoon class of hypochondriacs waiting。 The sweetish smell of his Fatima poisoned the air for me。 I was turning over in what was left of my mind what he had said when I asked him how long it would take Merle to get well。
〃It depends what you mean by well。 She'll always be high on nerves and low on animal emotion。 She'll always breathe thin air and smell snow。 She'd have made a perfect nun。 The religious dream； with its narrowness； its stylized emotions and it grim purity； would have been a perfect release for her。 As it is she will probably turn out to be one of these acidfaced virgins that sit behind little desks in public libraries and stamp dates in books。〃
〃She's not that bad；〃 I had said； but he had just grinned at me with his wise Jew face and gone out of the door。 〃And besides how do you know they are virgins？〃 I added to the closed door； but that didn't get me any farther。
I lit a cigarette and wandered over to the window and after a while she came through the doorway from the bed room part of the apartment and stood there looking at me with her eyes dark…ringed and a pale posed little face without any makeup except on the lips。
〃Put some rouge on your cheeks；〃 I told her。 〃You look like the snow maiden after a hard night with the fishing fleet。〃
So she went back and put some rouge on her cheeks。 When she came back again she looked at the luggage and said softly： 〃Leslie lent me two of his suitcases。〃
I said： 〃Yeah；〃 and looked her over。 She looked very nice。 She had a pair of long…waisted rust…colored slacks on； and Bata shoes and a brown and white print shirt and an orange scarf。 She didn't have her glasses on。 Her large clear cobalt eyes had a slightly dopey look； but not more than you would expect。 Her hair was dragged down tight； but I couldn't do anything much about that。
〃I've been a terrible nuisance；〃 she said。 〃I'm terribly sorry。〃
〃Nonsense。 I talked to your father and mother both。 They're tickled to death。 They've only seen you twice in over eight years and they feel as if they had almost lost you。〃
〃I'll love seeing them for a while；〃 she said； looking down at the carpet。 〃It's very kind of Mrs。 Murdock to let me go。 She's never been able to spare me for long。〃 She moved her legs as if she wondered what to do with them in slacks； although they were her slacks and she must have had to face the problem before。 She finally put her knees close together and clasped her hands on top of them。
〃Any little talking we might have to do；〃 I said； 〃or anything you might want to say to me； let's get it over with now。 Because I'm not driving halfway across the United States with a nervous breakdown in the seat beside me。〃
She bit a knuckle and sneaked a couple of quick looks at me around the side of the knuckle。 〃Last night〃 she said； and stopped and colored。
〃Let's use a little of the old acid；〃 I said。 〃Last night you told me you killed Vannier and then you told me you didn't。 I know you didn't。 That's settled。〃
She dropped the knuckle； looked at me l