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ood punching bag。
Trevor might be crazy； probably was crazy； but at least he was looking for the source of his craziness instead of running from it。
Trevor raised his head。 His face was wet with tears too。 。 He saw Zach looking at him； saw the blood； and his expression of uneasy calm crumbled into fresh woe。 〃You can leave if you want。 I won't 。 。 。 hurt you。〃
〃I don't want to leave。〃
Trevor tried to speak； could not make his throat work； lowered his face into his hands again。
〃Trevor？〃
〃Wh 。 。 。〃 He forced back a sob。 〃What。〃
〃Why don't you get back in bed with me？〃
Amazed； not trusting his ears； Trevor looked up。 He saw Zach's face； scared but not angry。 Even with blood dripping fresh off his chin； Zach wanted him over there。 Trevor couldn't imagine why。 He only knew that he did not want to stay here alone on the dirty floor of his childhood room； with his faded drawings staring down from the walls。
He crawled across the rough floorboards； through the drifts of torn paper and dust； toward the mattress。 When he was halfway there Zach held out his hand； and Trevor crawled toward that。
Zach clasped the outstretched hand and pulled Trevor onto the mattress； into his arms。 He pulled Trevor's head into the hollow of his shoulder； buried his face in Trevor's hair。 Zach's body felt to Trevor like a reflection of his own； Zach's bones seemed to interlock with his like atoms in the structure of a molecule。 Trevor thought he could feel their very souls； their molten cores of pain； flowing together like white…hot metals。
How can you know that？ Is this falling in love？ And if it is； how the hell does anyone SURVIVE it？
He realized that he was sobbing and Zach was too； that their faces and throats and collarbones were wet with each other's tears； that their skin was spattered and streaked with Zach's blood。 Zach's arms were wrapped tightly around Trevor's chest； and his sharp chin dug into Trevor's shoulder。 Trevor turned his head slightly and his mouth found Zach's jawline； still bloody。
Without thinking； Trevor rubbed his lips across the blood； then licked some of it away。 Then Zach's mouth moved to meet his； and Trevor supposed this was kissing； this warm； strange； melting thing。 He tasted salt and copper and the sharp smoky flavor of Zach's mouth。 Zach's torn lips were very soft against his； surely sore。 As they kissed more deeply Trevor felt the wounds e open again； felt Zach's blood flowing over his tongue。 He sucked at it and swallowed it。 He had spilled it； now he could take it into himself。 And it tasted so sweet； so full of the twin energies of life and death。
Zach's hands traced light patterns across his chest； making the skin shiver into goosebumps。 Trevor moved his mouth to Zach's ear； smelled yesterday's rainwater in Zach's hair。 〃What are you doing？〃 he whispered。
Zach placed his lips against the hollow of Trevor's throat and left them there for a moment before he answered。 〃Do you mind？〃
〃No； I don't think so。 I just don't know 。 。 。〃
〃Don't know what？〃
〃Anything。〃
Zach glanced up； met Trevor's eyes。 〃You mean you've never 。 。 。〃
Trevor was silent。 Zach's eyes widened and he started to speak； but was apparently struck dumb with awe。 Finally he said； 〃What did you do？〃
〃Nothing。〃
〃Jerk off？〃
〃Not much。〃
Zach shook his head slowly； marveling。 〃I'd be dead in a week if I didn't do something。 I'd be splattered all over the walls。〃
Trevor shrugged。
〃Well…〃 Zach lowered his head so that the longer strands of his hair fell forward and tickled Trevor's chest。 Most of his face was hidden； but Trevor saw a fierce spot of color blazing in one pale cheek。 〃I would show you。 If you wanted me to。〃
〃Zach？〃
He looked up。 His eyes were full of doubt and desire； enormous…pupiled； insanely green。
〃I don't even know how to say yes。〃
Their hands found each other and intertwined。 Zach squeezed Trevor's fingers； brought them to his lips and kissed them。 His tongue slid over the ball of Trevor's thumb； soft as velvet。 Trevor felt something uncoil deep inside him； some unfamiliar warmth seeping like liquor through his innards。 Only it didn't dull his senses； it heightened them； he was aware of every inch of his skin； every hair on his body； every pore and cell。 All of them were straining toward Zach； thirsting for him。
Then they were kissing again； carefully at first； learning the shape and texture of each other's lips； testing the sharpness of the teeth behind them。 Trevor felt Zach's hands sliding down his back and straying beneath the waistband of his sweatpants； cupping his buttocks and squeezing； moving down to the sensitive juncture of his thighs and lightly stroking the downy hairs there。 He had an erection for the first time in as long as he could remember； had almost forgotten what one felt like。 It felt a hell of a lot better snuggled into the warm hollow of someone's hipbone； that was for sure。
It's too fast！ said a panicky voice in his mind。 And too dangerous！ He'll drink your juices； taste your brain； crack your soul open like an egg！
Hell； I think I want him to do all that。
The thought released Trevor； gave him abandon。 He sucked at Zach's tongue and pulled it deep into his mouth。 You became so used to the texture and mass of your own tongue that you seldom noticed it nestling in the cradle of your lower jawbone； pressing against your teeth。 Having another tongue there felt alien at first； like trying to swallow some small slippery animal； a baby eel or perhaps an energetic oyster。
Their hands roamed the planes and hollows of one another's bodies。 Now Zach's clever fingers were teasing Trevor's nipples； plugging into unfamiliar nerve endings； webs of sensation that seemed to radiate from his chest up his spinal cord and into his brain； down through the pit of his stomach to his aching penis。 Never mind when he had last had a boner； he couldn't remember ever having had one that felt like this。
Then Zach's hand slid down to cup it through the soft cloth； and Zach's lips kissed a slow trail down his chin； along the curve of his throat and the hollow of his collarbone； and wrapped hot and wet around his left nipple。 Trevor felt his heart lurch； his mind begin to dissolve in pleasure。 He choked back a throatful of saliva。 〃Don't！〃
Zach's mouth paused but did not go away。 His hand moved to the ridge of Trevor's hipbone and squeezed gently。 〃Why not？〃
Trevor caught his breath； searched for a reply。 〃It hurts；〃 he said at last； though that was not precisely what he meant。
〃You mean it feels too good？〃
Silver motes swarmed in the air above his face； his vision was drowning in red filigree。 Trevor closed his eyes and nodded。
〃Sometimes you just have to ride it。 But we can slow down。〃 Zach shrugged。 〃I'll kiss you all day if that's what you want。〃 He lowered his face to Trevor's； brushed his lips ever so lightly across Trevor's。 Trevor felt tears starting again behind his eyelids for the kindness of this boy。
Do you want to do this？ he thought。 You were finally able to e back to this house； to e home。 You haven't had that damn dream in two nights。 You're on the verge of finding whatever is left here for you to find。 Do you want to add this to the equation？
But he was sick of listening to the voices in his head and the slow settling of empty rooms。 There were other things to hear。 Zach's breathing and heartbeat； the whisper of Zach's hands against the slight stubble on Trevor's face； the liquid sound their mouths made together。 Zach lay half on top of him； holding him loosely； kissing him languorously。 It became impossible to think of anything but tastes and textures。
They kissed dreamily； then searchingly； then with increasing urgency。 Then Zach was nuzzling his neck and chest again； but this time Trevor wasn't scared。 He arched his back； twined his fingers into Zach's thick soft hair。 Zach's fingers strayed again to the band of Trevor's sweatpants； found the drawstring and deftly untied the bow。 His lips moved across the concavity of Trevor's stomach； paused just above the cloth。 Trevor thought his penis might simply explode soon。 He imagined shimmering globules of semen dripping from the ceiling； nestling in Zach's hair like diamonds on blue…black velvet。
Zach looked up at Trevor and suddenly his serious； almost…scared face split into a wide dazzling grin。
〃This feels so good；〃 he said； 〃you won't even believe it。〃
He tugged the cloth away and kissed the tip of Trevor's penis； then took the whole throbbing burning thing into his mouth。 He was right。 All at once there was no more house； no childhood room； no dirty mattress under Trevor's back。 There was only this moment and this boy； only the smooth glide of saliva and fingertips and tongue； only the deep silken tunnel of Zach's throat surrounding him。 It was like nothing else ever。
He felt a stream of pure white energy blazing along his spine； sending twin bolts into his balls and his brain； filling every cell with light。 His scalp and the palms of his hands tingled madly。 He felt his pores open and bead with sweat； heard himself moaning and Zach moaning muffled encour