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'Sad。 But it is only your death that was my task； Sulis； and I have been waiting long for such a perfect opportunity。'
Despite the merciless strain of his position； my stepfather smiled； a ghastly； tight…stretched grin。 'Which Sancellan sent you？'
'Does it matter？ You have more enemies in Nabban than you can count； Sulis Apostate。 You are a heretic and a schismatic； and you are dangerous。 You should have known you would not be left here； to build your power in the wilderness。'
'I did not e here to build power；' my stepfather grunted。 'I came here to have my questions answered。'
'Tellarin！' I struggled to make sense where there could be none。 'What are you doing？'
His voice took on a little of its former gentle tone。 This is nothing to do with you and me； Breda。'
'Did you。。。 ？' I could scarcely say it。 My tears were making the chamber as blurry as the Black Fire ever did。 'Did you 。。。 only pretend love for me？ Was it all to help you kill him？'
'No！ I had no need of you； girl … I was already one of his most trusted men。' He tightened his grip on Sulis then； until I feared my stepfather's neck would break。 'What you and I have； little Breda； that is good and real。 I will take you back to Nabban with me … I will be rich now； and you will be my wife。 You will learn what a true city is； instead of this devilish； backward pile of stone。'
'You love me？ Truly； you love me？' I wanted very much to believe him。 Then let my stepfather go； Tellarin！'
He frowned。 'I cannot。 His death is the task I was given to do before I ever met you； and it is a task that needs doing。 He is a madman； Breda！
Surely after tonight's horrors； after seeing the demon he called up with forbidden magic； you can see why he cannot be allowed to live。' 'Do not kill him； please！ I beg you！'
He lifted his hand to still me。 'I am sworn to my master in Nabban。 This one thing I must do； and then we are both free。'
Even an appeal in the name of love could not stop him。 Confused and overwhelmed； unable to argue any longer with the man who had brought me so much joy； I turned to the witch； praying that she would do something … but Valada was gone。 She had taken her freedom； leaving the rest of us to murder each other if we wished。 I thought I saw a movement in the shadows； but it was only some other phantom； some flying thing that drifted above the stairwell on silent wings。
Lord Sulis was silent。 He did not struggle against Tellarin's grip； but waited for slaughter like an old bull。 When he swallowed； the skin on his neck pulled so tight that watching it made tears spill on to my cheeks once more。 My beloved pressed his knife against my stepfather's throat as I stumbled towards them。 Sulis looked at me； but still said nothing Whatever thought was in his eyes； it had gone so deep that I could not even guess what it might be。
'Tell me again that you love me；' 1 asked as I reached his side。 As I looked at my soldier's frightened but exultant face； I could not help thinking of the High Keep； a haunted place built on murder； in whose corrupted； restless depths we stood。 For a moment I thought the ghost…voices had returned； for my head was full of roaring； rushing noise。 'Tell me again； Tellarin；' I begged him。 'Please。'
My beloved did not move the blade from Sulis' throat； but said； 'Of course I love you； Breda。 We will be married； and all of Nabban will lie at your feet。 You will never be cold or lonely again。' He leaned forward； and I could feel the beautiful long muscles of his back tense beneath my hand。 He hesitated when he heard the click of the glass ball as it fell to the tiles and rattled away。
'What。。。？' he asked； then straightened suddenly； grabbing at the spot at his waist where the claw had pricked him。 I took a few staggering steps and fell； weeping。 Behind me； Tellarin began to wheeze； then to choke。 I heard his knife clatter to the stone。
I could not look； but the sound of his last rattling breaths will never leave me。
Now that I am old； I know that this secretive keep will be the place I die。 When I have breathed my last； I suppose they will bury me on the headland beside my mother and Lord Sulis。
After that long night beneath the castle had ended； the Heron King； as the Lake People called my stepfather； came to resemble once more the man he had been。 He reigned over the High Keep for many more years； and gradually even my own brawling； jealous folk acknowledged him as their ruler； although the kingship did not outlive Sulis himself。
My own mark on the world will be even smaller。
I never married； and my brother Aelfric died of a fall from his horse without fathering any children； so although the Lake People still squabble over who should carry the standard and spear of the Great Thane； none of my blood will ever lead them again。 Nor； I expect； will anyone stay on in the great castle that Lord Suits rebuilt after I am dead … there are few enough left of our household now； and those who stay only do so for love of me。 When 1 am gone； I doubt any will remain even to tend our graves。
I cannot say why I chose to keep this bleak place as my home； any more than I could say why I chose my stepfather's life over that of my beutiful； deceitful Tellarin。 Because I feared to build something on blood that should have been founded on something better； I suppose。 Because love does not do sums； but instead makes choices； and then gives its all。
Whatever the reasons； I have made those choices。
After he carried me out of the depths and back to daylight； my stepfather scarcely ever mentioned that dreadful night again。 He was still distant to the end of his days； still full of shadows； but at times I thought I sensed a peace in him that he had not had before。 Why that might be； I could not say。
As he lay at last on his deathbed； breath growing fainter and fainter； I sat by his side for hours of every day and spoke to him of all that happened in the High Keep； talking of the rebuilding； which still continued； and of the tenants； and the herds； as if at any moment he might rise to resume his stewardship。 But we both knew he would not。
When the last moment came； there was a kind of quiet expectancy on his face … no fear； but something more difficult to describe。 As he strained for his final breath of air； I suddenly remembered something I had read to his book； and realized that I had made a mistake on that night so long ago。
She will show me the Way of Black Fire or there is no other Hope； he had written。 Either she will answer； or Death。
He had not meant that he would kill her if she did not give him what he needed。 He had meant that if she could not help him find an answer； then he would have to wait until death came for him before he could learn the truth。
And now he would finally receive an answer to the question that had tormented him for so long。 Whatever that answer might be； Sulis did not return to share it with me。
Now I am an old； old woman； and I will find it soon enough myself。 It is strange； perhaps； but I find I do not much care。 In one year with Tellarin； in those months of fierce love； I lived an entire lifetime。 Since then I have lived another one； a long； slow life whose small pleasures have largely balanced the moments of suffering。 Surely two lives are enough for anyone … who needs the endless span of the immortals？ After all； as the burning man made clear； an eternity of pain would be no gift。
And now that I have told my tale； even the ghosts that sometimes still startle me awake at midnight seem more like ancient friends than things to be feared。
I have made my choices。
I think I am content。