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l accounts a splendid spectacle。 Sebastian went down for it and half…heartedly suggested my ing with him； I refused and came to regret my refusal； for it was the last ball of its kind given there； the last of a splendid series。
How could I have known？ There seemed time for everything in those days； the world was open to be explored at leisure。 I was so full of Oxford that summer； London could wait； I thought。
The other great houses belonged to kinsmen or to childhood friends of Julia's； and beside s them there were countless substantial houses in the squares of Mayfair and Belgravia； alight and thronged； one or other of them； night after night。 Foreigners returning on post from their own waste lands wrote home that here they seemed to catch a glimpse of the world they had believed lost forever； among the mud and wire； and through those halcyon weeks Julia darted and shone； part of the sunshine between the tress； part of the candle…light in the mirror's spectrum； so that elderly men and women sitting aside with their memories； saw her as herself the blue…bird。 ' 〃Bridey〃 Marchmain's eldest girl；' they said。 'Pity he can't see her tonight。'
That night and the night after； wherever she went always in her own little circle of intimates； she brought a moment of Joy； such as strikes deep to the heart on the river's bank when the kingfisher suddenly flares across the water。
This was the creature； neither child nor woman； that drove me through the dusk that summer evening； untroubled by love； taken aback by the power of her own beauty； hesitating on the cool edge of life one who had suddenly found herself armed； unawares； the heroine of a fairy story turning over in her hands the magic ring； she had only to stroke it with her fingertips and whisper the charmed word； for the earth to open at her feet and belch forth her titanic servant； the fawning monster who would bring her whatever she asked。； but bring it； perhaps； in unwele shape。
She had no interest in me that evening； the jinn rumbled below us uncalled； she lived apart in a little world； within a little world； the innermost of a system of concentric spheres； like the ivory balls laboriously carved in China； a little problem troubling her mind … little； as she saw it； in abstract terms and symbols。 She was wondering dispassionately and leagues distant from reality； whom she should marry。 Thus strategists hesitate over the map； the few pins and lines of coloured chalk； contemplating a change in the pins and lines； a matter of inches； which outside the room； out of sight of the studious officers； may engulf past； present； and future in ruin or life。 She was a symbol to herself then； lacking the life of both child and women； victory and defeat were changes of pin and line； she knew nothing of war。
'If only one lived abroad；' she thought； 'where these things are arranged between parents and lawyers。'
To be married； soon and splendidly； was the aim of all her friends。 If she looked further than the wedding； it was to see marriage as the beginning of individual existence； the skirmish where one gained one's spurs； from which one set out on the true quests of life。
She outshone by far all the girls of her age； but she knew that； in that little world within a world which she inhabited； there were certain grave disabilities from which she suffered。 On the sofas against the wall where the old people counted up the points； there were things against her。 There was the scandal of her father； that slight； inherited stain upon her brightness that seemed deepened by something in her own way of life … waywardness and wilfulness； a less disciplined habit than most of her contemporaries； but for that； who knows？。。。
One subject eclipsed all others in importance for the ladies along the wall； who would the young princes marry？ They could not hope for purer lineage or a more gracious presence than Julia's； but there was this faint shadow on her that unfitted her for the highest honours； there was also her religion。
Nothing could have been further from Julia's ambitions than a royal marriage。 She knew； or thought she knew； what she wanted and it was not that。 But wherever she turned； it seemed； her religion stood as a barrier between her and her natural goal。
As it seemed to her； the thing was a dead loss。 If she apostatized now； having been brought up in the Church； she would go to hell； while the Protestant girls of her acquaintance； schooled in happy ignorance； could marry eldest sons； live at peace with their world； and get to heaven before her。 There could be no eldest son for her； and younger sons were indelicate things； necessary； but not to be much spoken of。 Younger sons had none of the privileges of obscurity； it was their plain duty to remain hidden until some disaster perchance promoted them to their brother's places； and； since this was their function； it was desirable that they should keep themselves wholly suitable for succession。 Perhaps in a family of three or four boys； a Catholic might get the youngest without opposition。 There were of course the Catholics themselves； but these came seldom into the little world Julia had made for herself； those who did were her mother's kinsmen； who； to her； seemed grim and eccentric。 Of the dozen or so rich and noble Catholic families； none at that time had an heir of the right age。 Foreigners … there were many among her mother's family … were tricky about money； odd in their ways； and a sure mark of failure in the English girl who wed them。 What was there left？
This was Julia's problem after her weeks of triumph in London。 She knew it was not insurmountable。 There must； she thought； be a number of people outside her own world who were well qualified to be drawn into it； the shame was that she must seek them。 Not for her the cruel； delicate luxury of choice； the indolent； cat…and…mouse pastimes of the hearth…rug。 No Penelope she； she must hunt in the forest。
She had made a preposterous little picture of the kind of man who would do： he was an English diplomat of great but not very virile beauty； now abroad； with a house smaller than Brideshead； nearer to London； he was old； thirty…two or …three； and had been recently and tragically widowed； Julia thought she would prefer a man a little subdued by earlier grief。 He had a great career before him but had grown listless in his loneliness； she was not sure he was not in danger of falling into the hands of an unscrupulous foreign adventuress； he needed a new infusion of young life to carry him to the Embassy at Paris。 While professing a mild agnosticism himself he had a liking for the shows of religion and was perfectly agreeable to having his children brought up Catholic； he believed； however in the prudent restriction of his family to two boys and a girl； fortably； spaced over twelve years； and did not demand； as a Catholic husband might； yearly pregnancies。 He had twelve thousand a year above his pay； and no near relations。 Someone like that would do； Julia thought； and she was in search of him when she met me at the railway station。 I was not her man。 She told me as much； without a word； when she took the cigarette from my lips。
All this I learned about Julia； bit by bit； as one does learn the former … as it seems at the time； the preparatory … life of a woman one loves； so that one thinks of oneself as having been part of it； directing it by devious ways； towards oneself。
Julia left Sebastian and me at Brideshead and went to stay with an aunt； Lady Rossmon； in her villa at Cap Ferrat。 All the way she pondered her problem。 She had given a name to her widower…diplomat； she called him 〃Eustace〃； and from that moment he became a figure of fun to her； a little interior； inmunicable joke； so that when at last such a man did cross her path … though he was not a diplomat but a wistful major in the Life Guards … and fall in love with her and offer her just those gifts she had chosen； she sent him away moodier and more wistful than ever； for by that time she had met Rex Mottram。
Rex's age was greatly in his favour； for among Julia's friends there was a kind of gerontophilic snobbery； young men were held to be gauche and pimply； it was thought very much more chic to be seen lunching alone at the Ritz … a thing； in any case； allowed to few girls of that day； to the tiny circle of Julia's intimates； a thing looked at askance by the elders who kept the score； chatting pleasantly against the walls of the ballrooms … at the table on the left as you came in； with a starched and wrinkled old rou？whom your mother had be warned of as a girl； than than in the centre of the room with a party of exuberant young bloods。 Rex； indeed； was neither starched nor wrinkled； his seniors thought him a pushful young cad； but Julia recognized the unmistakable chic … the flavour of 'Max' and 'F。 E。' and the Prince of Wales； of the big table in the Sporting Club； the second magnum； and the fourth cigar； of the chauffeur kept waiting hour after hour without punction … which her friends would envy。 His social position was unique； it had an air of mystery； even of crime； about it； people said Rex went about armed。 Julia and her friends had a fascinated abhorrence of what