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ys。 Mostly bad lately。 I am； as my ma used to say； not long for this world。〃 He glanced up。 〃Look out； here es Saint Clemence of the Bedpan。 Change the subject。 Clem； did Judy tell you somebody tried to kill her？〃
〃No。 Where was this？〃
〃In Manhattan。〃
〃A mugger？〃
〃No。〃
〃Not someone you knew？〃 Taylor said。
Now she was on the point of telling the whole thing； and she wasn't sure she wanted to。 But Taylor had an anticipatory gleam in his eye； and she couldn't bear to disappoint him。 She began； her account punctuated by exclamations of delighted incredulity from Taylor； and she found herself rising to her audience as though this story were not the grim truth but a preposterous fiction。 Only once did she lose her momentum； when she mentioned Gentle's name； and Clem broke in to say that he'd been invited tonight。 Her heart tripped and took a beat to get back into。its rhythm。
〃Tell the rest；〃 Taylor was exhorting her。 〃What happened？〃
She went on with her story； but now； with her back to the door； she found herself wondering every moment if he was stepping through it。 Her distraction took its toll on the narrative。 But then perhaps a tale about murder told by the prey was bound to predictability。 She wrapped it up with undue haste。
〃The point is； I'm alive；〃 she said。 〃I'll drink to that；〃 Taylor replied； passing his unsipped Virgin Mary back to Clem。 〃Maybe just a splash of vodka？〃 he pleaded。 〃I'll take the consequences。〃
Clem made a reluctant shrug and； claiming Jude's empty glass； wended his way back through the crowd to the drinks table； giving Jude an excuse for turning around and scanning the room。 Half a dozen new faces had appeared since she'd sat down。 Gentle was not among them。
〃Looking for Mr。 Right？〃 Taylor said。 〃He's not here yet。〃
She looked back to meet his amusement。
〃I don't know who you're talking about；〃 she said。
〃Mr。 Zacharias。〃
〃What's so funny？〃
〃You and him。 The most talked…about affair of the last decade。 You know； when you mention him； your voice changes。 It gets…〃
〃Venomous。〃
〃Breathy。 Yearning。〃
〃I don't yearn for Gentle。〃
〃My mistake；〃 he said archly。 〃Was he good in bed？〃
〃I've had better。〃
〃You want to know something I never told anybody？〃
He leaned forward； the smile being more pained。 She thought it was his aching body that brought the frown to his brow； until she heard his words。
〃I was in love with Gentle from the moment I met him。 I tried everything to get him into bed。 Got him drunk。 Got him high。 Nothing worked。 But I kept at him； and about six years ago…〃
Clem appeared at this juncture； supplying Taylor and Jude with replenished glasses before heading off to wele a fresh influx of guests。
〃You slept with Gentle？〃 Jude said。
〃Not exactly。 I mean； I sort of talked him into letting me give him a blow job。 He was very high。 Grinning that grin of his。 I used to worship that grin。 So there I am；〃 Taylor went on； as lascivious as he'd ever been when recounting his conquests； 〃trying to get him hard； and he starts 。 。 。 I don't know how to explain this 。 。 。 I suppose he began speaking in tongues。 He was lying back on my bed with his trousers around his ankles； and he just started to talk in some other language。 Nothing vaguely recognizable。 It wasn't Spanish。 It wasn't French。 I don't know what it was。 And you know what？ I lost my hard…on； and he got one。〃 He laughed uproariously； but not for long。 The laugh went from his face； as he began again。 〃You know； I was a little afraid of him suddenly。 I was actually afraid。 I couldn't finish what I'd started。 I got up and left him to it； lying there with his dick sticking up； speaking in tongues。〃 He claimed her drink from her hand and took a throatful。 The memory had clearly shaken him。 There was a mottled rash on his neck； and his eyes were glistening。
〃Did you ever hear anything like that from him？〃 She shook her head。 〃I only ask because I know you broke up very quickly。 I wondered if he'd freaked you out for some reason。〃
〃No。 He just fucked around too much。〃
Taylor made a nonmittal grunt； then said； 〃I get these night sweats now； you know； and I have to get up sometimes at three in the morning and let Clem change the sheets。 I don't know whether I'm awake or asleep half the time。 And all kinds of memories are ing back to me。 Things I haven't thought about in years。 One of them was that。 I can hear him； when I'm standing there in a pool of sweat。 Hear him talking like he's possessed。〃
〃And you don't like it？〃
〃I don't know；〃 he said。 〃Memories mean different things to me now。 I dream about my mother； and it's like I want to crawl back into her and be born all over again。 I dream about Gentle； and I wonder why I let all these mysteries in my life go。 Things it's too late to solve now。 Being in love。 Speaking in tongues。 It's all one in the end。 I haven't understood any of it。〃 He shook his head and shook down tears at the same time。 〃I'm sorry；〃 he said。 〃I always get maudlin at Christmas。 Will you fetch Clem for me？ I need the bathroom。〃
〃Can't I help？〃
〃There's some things I still need Clem for。 Thanks anyway。〃
〃No problem。〃
〃And for listening。〃
She threaded her way to where Clem was chatting and discreetly informed him of Taylor's request。
〃You know Simone； don't you？〃 Clem said by way of an exit； and left Jude to talk。
She did indeed know Simone； though not well； and after the conversation she'd just had with Taylor； she found it difficult to whip up a social souffle。 But Simone was almost flirtatiously excessive in her responses； unleashing a gurgling laugh at the merest hint of a cue and fingering her neck as though to mark the places she wanted kissed。 Jude was silently rehearsing a polite refusal when she caught Si…mone's glance； ill concealed in a particularly extravagant laugh； flitting towards somebody elsewhere in the crowd。 Irritated to be cast as a stooge for the woman's vamping； she said； 〃Who is he？〃
〃Who's who？〃 Simone said； flustered and blushing。 〃Oh； I'm sorry。 It's just some man who keeps staring at me。〃
Her gaze went back to her admirer； and as it did so Jude was seized by the utter certainty that if she were to turn now it would be Gentle's stare she intercepted。 He was here； and up to his stale old tricks； threading himself a little string of gazes； ready to pluck the prettiest when he tired of the game。
〃Why don't you just go near and talk to him；〃 she said。
〃I don't know if I should。〃
〃You can always change your mind if a better offer es along。〃
〃Maybe I will；〃 Simone said； and without making any further attempt at conversation she took her laugh elsewhere。
Jude fought the temptation to follow her progress for fully two seconds； then glanced around。 Simone's wooer was standing beside the Christmas tree； smiling a wele at his object of desire as she breasted her way through the crowd towards him。 It wasn't Gentle after all； but a man she thought she remembered as Taylor's brother。 Oddly relieved； and irritated at herself for being so； she headed towards the drinks table for a refill； then wandered out into the hallway in search of some cooler air。 There was a cellist on the half landing； playing In the Bleak Midwinter； the melody and the instrument it was being played upon bining to melancholy effect。 The front door stood open； and the air through it raised goose bumps。 She went to close it； only to have one of the other listeners discreetly whisper； 〃There's somebody being sick out there。〃
She glanced into the street。 There was indeed somebody sitting on the edge of the pavement； in the posture of one resigned to the dictates of his belly： head down； elbows on his knees； waiting for the next surge。 Perhaps she made a sound。 Perhaps he simply felt her gaze on him。 He raised his head and looked around。
〃Gentle； What are you doing out here？〃
〃What does it look like？〃 He hadn't looked too pretty last time she'd seen him； but he looked a damn sight worse now： haggard； unshaven； and waxy with nausea。
〃There's a bathroom in the house。〃
〃There's a wheelchair up there；〃 Gentle said； with an almost superstitious look。 〃I'd prefer to be sick out here。〃
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand。 It was virtually covered in paint。 So was the other； she now saw； and his trousers； and his shirt。
〃You've been busy。〃
He misunderstood。 〃I shouldn't have drunk anything；〃 he said。
〃Do you want me to get you some water？〃
〃No； thanks。 I'm going home。 Will you say goodbye to Taylor and Clem for me？ I can't face going back in。 I'll disgrace myself。〃 He got to his feet； stumbling a little。 〃We don't seem to meet under very pleasant circumstances； do we？〃 he said。
〃I think I should drive you home。 You'll either kill yourself or somebody else。〃
〃It's all right；〃 he said； raising his painted hands。 〃The roads are empty。 I'll be fine。〃 He started to rummage in his pocket for his car keys。
〃You saved my life； let me return the favor。〃
He looked up at her； his eyelids drooping。 〃Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea。〃
She went back inside to say farewell on behalf of herself and Gentle。 Taylor was back in his chair。 She caught sight of him before he saw her。 He was staring into middle dist