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e him staring down at her with something very like awe on his face。 Sliding her fingers beneath testicles and stem； she raised the curiosity to her mouth and took it inside； then she dropped both hands to her blouse and began to unbutton。 But he'd no sooner started to harden in her mouth than he murmured a denial； withdrew his member； and stepped back from her； pulling up his underwear。
〃Why are you doing this？〃 he said。
〃I'm enjoying it。〃
He was genuinely agitated； she saw； shaking his head； covering the bulge in his underwear in a new fit of bashful…ness。
〃For whose sake？〃 he said。 〃You don't have to； you know。〃
〃I know。〃
〃I wonder？〃 he said； genuine puzzlement in his voice。
〃I don't want to use you。〃
〃I wouldn't let you。〃
〃Maybe you wouldn't know。〃
This remark inflamed her。 A rage rose such as she'd not felt in a long while。 She stood up。
〃I know what I want；〃 she said； 〃but I'm not about to beg for it。〃
〃That's not what I'm saying。〃
〃What are you saying？〃
〃That I want you too。〃
〃So do something about it；〃 she said。
He seemed to find her fury freshly arousing and stepped towards her again； saying her name in a voice almost pained with feeling。 〃I'd like to undress you；〃 he said。 〃Would you mind？〃
〃No。〃
〃I don't want you to do anything…〃
〃Then I won't。〃
〃…except lie down。〃
She did so。 He turned off the bathroom light； then came to the edge of the bed and looked down at her。 His bulk was emphasized by the light from the lamp； which threw his shadow up to the ceiling。 Quantity had never seemed an arousing quality hitherto； but in him she found it intensely attractive； evidence as it was of his excesses and his appetites。 Here was a man who would not be contained by one world； one set of experiences； but who was kneeling now like a slave in front of her； his expression that of one obsessed。
With consummate tenderness； he began to undress her。 She'd known fetishists before…men to whom she was not an individual but a hook upon which some particular item was hung for worship。 If there was any such particular in this man's head； it was the body he now began to uncover； proceeding to do so in an order and manner that made some fevered sense to him。 First he slipped off her underpants； then he finished unbuttoning her blouse； without removing it。 Next he teased her breasts from her bra； so that they were available to his toying； but then didn't play there but went to her shoes； removing them and setting them beside the bed before hoisting up her skirt so as to have a view of her sex。 Here his eyes lingered； his fingers advancing up her thigh to the crease of her groin； then retreating。 Not once did he look at her face。 She looked at his； however； enjoying the zeal and veneration there。 Finally he rewarded his own diligence with kisses。 First on her lower legs； moving up towards her knees； then her stomach and her breasts； and finally returning to her thighs and up into the place he'd forbidden them both till now。 She was ready for pleasure； and he supplied it； his huge hand caressing her breasts as he tongued her。 She closed her eyes as he unfolded her； alive to every drop of moisture on her labia and legs。 When he rose from this to finish undressing her…skirt first； then blouse and bra…her face was hot and her breath fast。 He tossed the clothes onto the floor and stood up again； taking her knees and pushing them up and back； spreading her for his delectation； and holding her there； prettily exposed。
〃Finger yourself；〃 he said； not letting her go。
She put her hands between her legs and made a show for him。 He'd slickened her well； but her fingers went deeper than his tongue； readying herself for the curiosity。 He gorged on the sight； meanwhile； glancing up to her face several times； then returning to the spectacle below。 All trace of his previous hesitation had gone。 He encouraged her with his admiration； calling her a host of sweet names； his tented underwear proof…as if she needed it…of his arousal。 She started to push her hips up from the bed to meet her fingers； and he took firmer grip of her knees as she moved； opening her wider still。 Lifting his right hand to his mouth he licked his middle finger and put it down against her pucker of her other hole； rubbing it gently。
〃Will you suck me now？〃 he asked her。 〃Just a little？〃
〃Show me it；〃 she said。
He stepped away from her and took off his underwear。 The curiosity was now fully risen and florid。 She sat up and put it back between her lips； one hand holding it by its pulsing root while the other continued its dalliance with her own sex。 She'd never been good at guessing the point at which the milk boiled over； so she took it from the heat of her mouth to cool him a little； glancing up at him as she did so。 Either the extraction or her glance set him off； however。
〃Damn！〃 he said。 〃Damn！〃； and started to step back from her； his hand going down to his groin to take the curiosity in a stranglehold。
It seemed he might have succeeded； as two desultory dribbles ran from its head。 Then his testicles unleashed their flood； and it came forth in unmon abundance。 He moaned as it came； as much in self…admonishment as pleasure； she thought； that assumption confirmed when he'd emptied his sac upon the floor。
〃I'm sorry 。 。 。〃 he said； 〃。。； I'm sorry。 。 。。〃
〃There's no need；〃 she said； standing up and putting her lips to his。 He continued to murmur his apologies； however。
〃I haven't done that in a long time；〃 he said。 〃So adolescent。〃
She kept her silence； knowing anything she said would only begin a further round of self…reproach。 He slipped away into the bathroom to find a towel。 When he returned she was picking up her clothes。
〃Are you going？〃 he said。
〃Only to my room。〃
〃Do you have to？〃 he said。 〃I know that wasn't much of a performance； but 。 。 。 the bed's big enough for us both。 And I don't snore。〃
〃The bed's enormous。〃
〃So 。 。 。 would you stay？〃 he said。
〃I'd like to。〃
He made a charming smile。 〃I'm honored；〃 he said。 〃Will you excuse me a moment？〃
He switched the bathroom light back on and disappeared inside； closing the door； leaving her to lie back on the bed and wonder at this whole turn of events。 Its very oddness seemed appropriate。 After all； this whole journey had begun with an act of misplaced love： love bee murder。 Now a new dislocation。 Here she was； lying in the bed of a man with a body far from beautiful； whose bulk she longed to have upon her； whose hands were capable of fratricide but aroused her like none she'd ever known； who'd walked more worlds than an opium poet； but couldn't speak love without stumbling； who was a titan； and yet。 afraid。 She made a nest among his duck…down pillows and waited there for him to e back and tell her a story of love。
He reappeared after a long while and slipped beneath the sheets beside her。 True to her imaginings； he said he loved her at last； but only once he'd turned the light out； and his eyes were not available for study。
When she slept； it was deeply； and when she woke again； it was like sleeping； dark and pleasurable； the former because the drapes were still drawn； and between their cracks she could see that the sky was still benighted； the latter because Oscar was behind her； and inside。 One of his hands was upon her breast； the other lifting her leg so that he could ease his upward stroke。 He'd entered her with skill and discretion； she realized。 Not only had he not stirred her until he was embedded； but he'd chosen the virgin passage； which…had he suggested it while she was awake…she'd have attempted to coax him from； fearing the disfort。 In truth； there was none； though the sensation was quite unlike anything she'd felt before。 He kissed her neck and shoulder blade； light kisses； as though he was unaware of her wakefulness。 She made it known with a sigh。 His stroke slowed and stopped； but she pressed her buttocks back to meet his thrust； satisfying his curiosity as to the limit of its access； which was to say none。 She was happy to accept him entirely； trapping his hand against her breast to press it to rougher service； while putting her own at the connecting place。 He'd dutifully slipped on a condom before entering her； which； together with the fact that he'd already poured forth once tonight； made him a near perfect lover： slow and certain。
She didn't use the dark to reconfigure him。 The man pressing his face into her hair； and biting at her shoulder； wasn't…like the mystif he'd described…a reflection of imagined ideals。 It was Oscar Godolphin； paunch； curiosity； and all。 What she did reconfigure was herself； so that she became in her mind's eye a glyph of sensation： a line dividing from the coil of her pierced core； up through her belly to the points of her breasts； then intersecting again at her nape； crossing and being woven spirals beneath the hood of her skull。 Her imagination added a further refinement； inscribing a circle around this figure； which burned in the darkness behind her lips like a vision。 Her rapture was perfected then： being an abstraction in his arms； yet pleasured like flesh。 There was no greater luxury。
He asked if they might move； saying only； 〃The wound。 。 。〃 by way of explanation。