按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃He wasn't the only one that died tonight；〃 she thought。 〃I died too； somewhere along the way； in this car。 So it didn't work； it was all for nothing。 Better to have stayed back there； still alive； and taken the blame and the punishment〃
They were out in open country now。 The last cardboard…box factory； kept at a civic…minded distance away from the city limits； the last disused…brewery stack； even those had long slipped by。 The embankment that carried the turnpike had started a very gradual rise； the broad swath of railroad…tracks； by illusory contrast； seemed to depress still further。 The neat； clean…cut concrete…facing that had been given the embankment further in toward town didn't extend this far out； here there was just a natural slope； extremely steep； but with weeds and bushes clinging to it。
He'd stopped all of a sudden； for no apparent reason。 Run the two outside wheels off the road on the railroad's side； and stopped there。 That was all the space that was allowed； just two wheels of the car； even that was an extremely precarious position to take。 The downslope began almost outside the car door。
〃Why here？〃 she whispered。
He pointed。 〃Listen。 Hear it？〃 It was a sound like the cracking of nuts。 Like a vast layer of nuts； all rolling around and being cracked and shelled。
〃I'd like to get him out of town；〃 he said。 He got out； and scrambled down the slope a way； until she could only see him from the waist up； and stood looking down。 Then he picked up something… a stone； maybe； or something…and she saw him throw。 Then he turned his head a little； and seemed to be listening。
Finally he fought his way back up to her again； digging his feet in sideways to gain leverage。
〃It's a slow freight；〃 he said。 〃Outbound。 It's on the inside track； I mean the one right under us here。 I could see a lantern go by on the roof of one of the cars。 It's unearthly long…I think they're empties…and it's going very slow； almost at a crawl。 I threw a stone； and I heard it hit one of the roofs。〃
She had already guessed； and could feel her skin crawling。
He was bending over the form on the front seat； going through its pockets。 He ripped something out of the inside coat…pocket A label or something。
〃They don't always get right of way like the fast passengers do。 It may have to stop for that big turnpike crossing not far up； you know the one I mean。 The lootive must be just about reaching it by now…〃
She'd fought down her repulsion； she'd made up her mind once more； though this was going to be even worse than back there at the doorway。 〃Shall I… Do you want me to…？〃 And she got ready to get out with him。
〃No；〃 he said； 〃no。 Just stay in it and watch the road。 The slope is so steep； that when you get down below a certain point with… anything…it will plunge down the rest of the way by itself。 It's been sheared off at the bottom； it's a sheer drop。〃
He'd swung the front door out as far as it would go； now。
〃How's the road？〃 he asked。
She looked back first； all along it。 Then forward。 The way it rose ahead made it even easier to sight along。
〃Empty；〃 she said。 〃There's not a moving light on it anywhere。〃
He dipped down； did something with his arm； and then the two heads and the two pairs of shoulders rose together。 A minute later the front seat was empty。
She turned away and looked at the road； looked at the road for all she was worth。
〃I'll never be able to sit on the front seat of this car again；〃 it occurred to her。 〃They'll wonder why； but I'll always balk； I'll always think of what was there tonight。〃
He had a hard time getting him down the slope； he had to be a brake on the two of them at once； and the weight was double。 Once the two of them went down momentarily； in a stumble； and her heart shot up into her throat； as though there were a pulley； a counterweight； working between them and it。
Then he regained his balance again。
Then when she could only see him from the waist up； he bent over； as if laying something down before him； and when he'd straightened up again； he was alone； she could only see him by himself。
Then he just stood there waiting。
It was a gamble； a wild guess。 A last car； a carboose； could have suddenly e along； and…no more train to carry their freight away。 Just trackbed left below； to reveal what lay on it as soon as it got light。
But he'd guessed right The sound of cracking nuts thinned； began to die out。 A sort of rippling wooden shudder； starting way up ahead； ran past them and to the rear。 Then a second one。 Then silence。
He dipped again。
Her hands flew up to her ears； but she was too late。 The sound beat her to it。
It was a sick； hollow thud。 Like when a heavy sack is dropped。 Only； a sack bursts from such a drop。 This didn't。
She put her head down low over her lap； and held her hands pressed to her eyes。
When she looked up again； he was standing there beside her。 He looked like a man who has himself in hand； but isn't sure that he isn't going to be sick before long。
〃Stayed on；〃 he said。 〃Caught on that catwalk； or whatever it is； that runs down the middle of each roof。 I could see him even in the dark。 But his hat didn't。 That came off and went over。〃
She wanted to scream： 〃Don't！ Don't tell me！ Let me not know！ I know too much already！〃 But she didn't And by that time it was over with； anyway。
He got in again and took the wheel； without waiting for the train to remence its run。
〃It'll go on again；〃 he said。 〃It has to。 It was already on its way once。 It won't just stand there the rest of the night〃
He ran the car back onto the rim of the road again； and then he brought it around in a U…turn； facing back to Caulfield。 And still nothing came along； nothing passed them。 On no other night could this road have been so empty。
He let their headlight beams shoot out ahead of them now。
〃Do you want to e up here and sit with me？〃 he asked her quietly。
〃No！〃 she said in a choked voice。 〃I couldn't！ Not on that seat。〃
He seemed to understand。 〃I just didn't want you to be all alone；〃 he said passionately。
〃I'll be all alone from now on； anyway； no matter where I sit；〃 she murmured。 〃And so will you。 We'll both be all alone； even together。〃
42
She heard the brakes go on； and felt the motion of the car stop。 He got out and got into the back next to her。 They stayed just the way they were for several long moments。 She with her face pressed against the bosom of his shirt； buried against him as if trying to hide it from the night and all that had happened in the night。 He with one hand to the back of her head； holding it there； supporting it。
They didn't move nor speak at first。
Now I have to tell him； she kept thinking with dread。 Now the time is here。 And how shall I be able to？
She raised her head at last； and opened her eyes。 He'd stopped around the corner from their own house。 （His own。 How could it ever be hers again？ How could she ever go in there； after what had happened tonight？） He'd stopped around the corner； out of sight of it； and not right at the door。 He was giving her the chance to tell him； that must be why he had done it。
He took out a cigarette； and lit it for her in his mouth； and offered it to her inquiringly。 She shook her head。 So then he threw it out the side of the car。
His mouth was so close to hers； she could smell the aroma of the tobacco freshly on his breath。 It'll never be this close again； she thought； never； not after I'm done with what I have to tell him now。
〃Bill；〃 she whispered。
It was too weak； too pleading。 That feeble a voice would never carry her through。 And it had such rocky words ahead of it。
〃Yes； Patrice？〃 he answered quietly。
〃Don't call me that。〃 She turned toward him with desperate urgency； forcing her voice to be steady。 〃Bill there's something you've got to know。 I don't know where to begin it； I don't know how… But； oh； you've got to listen； if you've never listened to me before！〃
〃Sh； Patrice；〃 he said soothingly。 〃Sh； Patrice。〃 As though she were a fretful child。 And his hand gently stroked her hair； downward； and then downward again； and still downward。
She moaned； almost as though she were in pain。 〃No…don't… don't…don't〃
〃I know；〃 he said almost absently。 〃I know what you're trying so hard； so brokenheartedly； to tell me。 That you're not Patrice。 That you're not Hugh's wife。 Isn't that it？〃
She sought his eyes； and he was gazing into the distance； through the windshield and out ahead of the car。 There was something almost abstract about his look。
〃I know that already。 I've always known it。 I think I've known it ever since the first few weeks you got here。〃
The side of his face came gently to rest against her head； and stayed there； in a sort of implicit caress。
〃So you don't have to try so hard； Patrice。 Don't break your heart over it There isn't anything to tell。〃
She gave an exhausted sob。 Shuddered a little with her own frustration。 〃Even the one last chance to redeem myself； you've taken away from me；〃 she murmured hopelessly。 〃Even that little。〃
〃You don't have to redeem yourself； Patrice。〃
〃Every time you call me that； it's a lie。 I can't go back to that house with you。 I can't go in there ev