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what you could； because what else could you do？
Once you knew； there was no unknowing。
Once you'd seen； there was no turning back。
The drift was inevitable； as was its price。 It had cost him two wives； much of his peace of mind； and most of his hope for the future。 Deitz felt like he was on the ugly front lines of mankind's last battle： the fight for survival against our own stupidity。
He really thought he'd seen it all； and in one sense he had。 But the fact remained that most people hadn't seen it； hadn't smelled it； hadn't had their faces ground in it like he had。 And with any luck； they never would。
That was why they could still eat and drink this crap。 That was how they could keep on bringing children into the world。 They understood intellectually…if they thought about it at all…but they didn't really connect emotionally or experientially。
They didn't know it in their guts。
And that； it seemed； made all the difference 。。。
The EMPLOYEES ONLY door slid open at last； and Jennie's sneakers smacked the tiles behind him。 He half…turned toward her； felt her arms snake around his waist； giving him a python…squeeze of love。
〃Mmmm；〃 she purred； and pecked him on the back of the neck。 At five…foot…four； it was a stretch。 〃Good news。〃
〃Do tell。〃 He turned in her embrace； smiled down upon her。
〃I called everyone on the list；〃 she continued； 〃at least a dozen times； before I finally got through to Babs。 But she says she can definitely e in at three。〃
〃Three？〃 Deitz lamented； the smile disappearing； the disappointment clear in his voice。 The Aquarium closed at five； and with an hour to get down and another twenty minutes to park； that gave them a little over an hour to take in the sights 。。。
〃Sorry；〃 she said； and meant it。 〃Best I can do。 Unless you want to just take a rain check or 。。。 〃
〃Nuh…uh…uh。 No way。〃 He reversed his spirits； tried to send his smile all the way down to her toes。 〃On this point； I'm afraid that I'll have to insist。〃
〃Okay；〃 she smiled back； just as hard。 〃Then don't be afraid。 We're gonna have a wonderful time。〃
She punctuated the vow with another squeeze and smile； and damned if he didn't believe her。 There was just something about her： an indefatigable buoyancy of spirit that snuck through every chink in his defenses； like a spring breeze blowing through the rusty armor around his soul。
One look at her； and Deitz believed。
〃This power；〃 he murmured； low in his throat； 〃must only be used for good。〃
She laughed。 〃So you'll be here at three？〃
〃At least。〃
〃At most。〃 She made big pleading black velvet eyes at him。 〃You're my ride； remember？〃
〃Mmm…hmmm。〃 They kissed： a quick whisper of tongue； lest God's little consumers saw fit to plain。 〃I'll be here before three。〃
〃But not too early 。。。 〃
〃At exactly two minutes to three； I'll be here。〃 It was a deadpan； solemn vow。 〃I swear upon my soul。〃
〃It's a deal。〃 Jennie smiled and disengaged； then moved across the bustling room and slid behind the counter。 Deitz watched as she passed the microwave and lunch meats； a regular smorgasbord of nitrates and low…level radiation。
〃Thanks so much for staying on； Patty；〃 he heard Jennie say。 〃I'm real sorry 'bout that。〃
〃S'okay。〃 Patty smiled； her dull stare brightening by several degrees。 〃It's not like it's your fault or anything。〃
And suddenly； Pat the Eating Machine magically transformed back into a real flesh…and…bone person。 By the simple miracle of Jennie's kindness； Pat became Patty： a tired girl who'd thoughtfully； responsibly stayed an hour and a half past her normal graveyard shift； all because of some irresponsible jerkoff named Ozzie。 Pat； the odious Monster From Hell； became a very nice and extremely relieved young woman named Patty； who at long last could finally go home。
Deitz saw the unabashed gratitude on Patty's face as she handed over the reins to Jennie； who'd left breakfast in bed and a half…read Sunday Baltimore Sun to e in and save the day。 And who hadn't bitched or pissed and moaned about it； either； but had simply taken it all in stride。
Yep； he mused。 No doubt about it。 Jennie Quirez could change your whole outlook on life 。。。
The front door opened。 He paid it no mind。 His eyes were on Jennie's lips； which were puckering up for his benefit from halfway across the room。 He smiled； catching the flurry of black…and…white movement in his farthest peripheral range。
It caught him。 He started to turn。 A wild shock of bone…white hair appeared； framing a pale； broad； deathlike face。 It belonged to a punked…out teenage girl with deep flaming green eyes and thin lips etched in darkness。
She was； of course； dressed entirely in black： black shirt； black leggings； and those clunky black shitkicker jump boots。 At first； he hadn't realized what a tiny thing she was： the hair gave her an easy five inches of height； which only placed her eye level with Deitz's breastbone。 There was a little downy stubble at her close…shaved temples。 The stubble was white as well。
Deitz caught himself staring； looked away sharply； wasn't all that surprised to discover that everyone else was doing it； too。 She certainly didn't look like she was heading for Sunday services。 Every gaze in the place dragged with her as she crossed the room； face groggy with unrequited need for sleep。 Or maybe drugs。 Or maybe both。
He looked to Jennie； who was grinning broadly。 Check her out； Jennie mouthed； drawing it out for prehension's sake。 She's ree…lee strange。 Deitz nodded； grinning as well； and turned back to watch the girl advance toward him。
She stopped at the coffee station and proceeded to fill up a thirty…two…ounce Big Gulp with steamin' joe。 Yikes； he thought。 Thank God she's not going to church。 She'd be bouncing of the pews。 He observed discreetly as she dumped about four packets of sugar into the cup and swirled it around； then reached for the little nondairy…creamer units。
And then； to his astonishment； she paused to read the label。
Deitz was stunned。 Even his internal dialogue dried up for a moment。 Not another single person； in the whole time he'd been waiting； had bothered to so much as think about what they were putting in their mouths。 It privately pleased him； surprisingly so； that the black sheep would prove to be the only one aware。
For a second； he entertained the notion that she was just reading the brand name。 But no。 She twisted the thing slowly between her fingers； like a volume knob； while her lips silently moved in accordance with the list of ingredients ribboned around the label's edge： contains water； salt； partially hydrogenated soybean oil 。。。
When she smiled and struggled with the pronunciation of sodium stearoyl lactylate； he could restrain himself no longer。
〃It's poison；〃 he said； stepping a little closer。
She looked up； annoyed； and her sneer instantaneously sucked wind from his cheerful sails。 〃What 。。。 ？〃 she said。 The addendum you cretin was unspoken。
〃Um 。。。 〃 Feeling suddenly； horribly foolish。 〃All that stuff。 Sodium stearoyl lactylate。 Monoglycerides。 Dipotassium phosphate。〃 He shrugged。 Her gaze upon him was utterly frank； not giving him an inch。
〃You know 。。。 〃 he concluded； and let his voice trail off。
〃Yeah； well。〃 For a moment； she seemed uncertain whether to be civil or not。 〃Not that it's really gonna make a fuckin' bit of difference； right？〃 Cocking her head and watching his reaction very closely。
〃Well； uh 。。。 〃 he began。
And then； just as suddenly； started to laugh。
〃Well； actually； no；〃 he concluded。 It was as if some tiny but significant weight had been lifted off his shoulders。 〃Not even a little。〃
She smiled； then； and in that moment； their shared awareness made them members of a very exclusive club。
In that moment； they understood each other pletely。
Then she set the nondairy creamer aside； picked up her cup； and headed back to take her place in line。
Deitz watched her go； and thought of Jennie。 Would she have understood？ He suspected she would have； but he couldn't be sure； you never knew what was under that kind of an optimistic demeanor。 A lot of insecurities and un…voiced fears could thrive； hidden； beneath that kind of warmth； a lot of stubborn refusal to acknowledge the ugly facts of life 。。。
〃Wait a second；〃 he scolded； catching himself for the second time today。 〃You promised； remember？ Today； nothing gets to you。
〃Today； you're the happiest man on earth。〃
And； of course； it was true。
But some things were far easier said than done。
Seven
Ah； the power of faith。
Werner Blake loved his front…row seat at Trinity Lutheran Church。 It was a great place for people…watching； and Blake was a people person。 He'd held this pew every Sunday for ten years running； watching the sacramental conveyor belt deliver its wine…and…wafer fix to the herd。
So far as he was concerned； there was no finer place on Earth。
Take this ritual； for example； and the principle that powered it。 Transubstantiation； they called it； though he doubted if more than three people in the entire synod could spell the word； much les