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I was joining the army。 Enlisting in the Space Armada。 With the rank of flight…major。 As the ship tilted into its landing approach I put thought into deed。
〃Must you report to duty at once； Vaska？〃 Strong drink had put us on a first name basis。 He shook his head in a shaggy no。
〃Tomorrow I am due。〃
〃Wonderful。 You do not wish to spend your last night of leave between the cold sheets of a solitary bed in the B。O。Q。 Just think what else could be acplished in the same time。〃
I went into some imaginary detail of what could be done with silken sheets in an un…solitary bed。 Good food and fine drink were mentioned as well； but these were only of contingent interest。 The flask lilted once more and he nodded cheerful agreement to my plan。
As soon as we had landed and our baggage had been disgorged； a robocab took us to the Dosadan…GIup Robotnik。 This was the local branch of a planet…wide chain of hotels that specialized in non…human service。 Everything was mechanized and puterized。 Human beings presumably visited them once in a while to check the gauges and empty the tills； but I had never seen one although I had used these hotels quite often； for many obvious reasons。 I had occasionally seen other guests entering or leaving but we had avoided each other's gaze like plague carriers。 The Robotniks were islands of privacy in a sea of staring eyes。 They had certain drawbacks； but I had long since learned to cope with these。 To the Robotnik we went。
The front door opened automatically when we approached and a sort of motorized…dolly robot slipped out of its kennel and sang to us。
〃World famous since the day we opened；
The Dosadan…GIup Robotnik weles you。
I am here to take your luggage…
Order me and I'll help you！〃
This was sung in a rich contralto voice to the acpaniment of a 200 piece brass band； a standard recording of all the Robotnik hotels。 I hated it。 I kicked the robot back； it was pressing close to our ankles； and pointed to the robocab。
〃Luggage。 There。 Five pieces。 Fetch。〃
It hummed away and plunged eager tentacles into the cab。 We entered the hotel。
〃Don't we have four pieces luggage？〃 Vaska asked； frowning those beetling eyebrows in thought。
〃You're right； I must have miscounted。〃 The luggage robot caught up and passed us； with our suitcases and the back seat torn out of the cab。 〃We have five now。〃
〃Good evening 。 。 。 gentlemen；〃 the robot at the desk murmured； with a certain hesitation before the final word as it counted us and pared profiles in its memory bank。 〃How may we serve you？〃
〃The best suite in the house；〃 I said as I signed a fictitious name and address and began to feed 100 boginje bills into the pay slot on the desk。 Cash in advance was the rule at the Robotnik with any balance returned upon departure。 A bellboy robot； armed with a key； rolled out and showed us the way； throwing the door wide with a blare of recorded trumpets as though it were announcing the second ing。
〃Very nice；〃 I said and pressed the button labeled ftp on its chest which automatically deducted two boginjes from my credit balance。
〃Order us some drinks and food；〃 I told the flight…major； pointing to the menu built into the wall。 〃Anything you wish as long as there are steaks and champagne。〃
He liked that idea and he was busily punching buttons while I arranged the luggage。 I also had a bug…detector strapped to my wrist which led me unerringly to the single optic…sonic bug。 It was in the same place as every other one I had found； these hotels really were standardized； and I managed to move a chair in front of it when I opened my suitcase。
The delivery door dilated and champagne and chilled glasses slid out。 Vaska was still ordering away on the buttons and my credit balance； displayed in large numbers on the wall； was rolling rapidly backwards。 I cracked the bottle； bouncing the cork off the wall near him to draw his inebriated attention； and filled the glasses。
〃Let us drink to the Space Armada；〃 I said； handing him his glass and letting the little green pellet fall into it at the same time。
〃To Space Armada；〃 he said； draining the glass and breaking into some dreary chauvinistic song that I knew I would have to learn； all about shining blast…tubes； gloaming guns； men of valor； burning suns。 I had enough of it even before he began。
〃You look tired；〃 I told him。 〃Aren't you sleepy？〃
〃Sleepy 。 。 。〃 he agreed； his head bobbing。
〃I think it would be a good idea for you to lie down on the bed and get some rest before dinner。〃
〃Lie down 。 。 。〃 His glass fell to the rug and he stumbled across the room and sprawled full length on the nearest bed。
〃See； you were tired。 Go to sleep and I'll wake you later。〃
Obedient to the hypnodrug； he closed his eyes and began snoring at once。 If anyone were listening at the bug they would detect nothing wrong。
Dinner arrived； enough food to feed a squadmy money meant nothing to good old Vaskaand I ate a bit of steak and salad before going to work。 I snared open the kit and spread out the materials and tools。
The first thing was of course an injection that acted as a nerve block and numbed all sensation in my face。 As soon as this took effect I propped the snoring flight…major up and trained the reading light full in his face。 This would not be a hard job at all。 We both had about the same bony structure and build； and the resemblance did not have to be perfect。 Just close enough to match the prison…camp picture on his ID card。 The quality of this picture was what one learns to expect from an identification photo； looking more like a shaven ape than a human。
The chin was the biggest job in every sense and massive injections of plastic jell built mine up to Vaska's heroic size。 I molded its shape before it set； cleft and all； then went to work on the eyebrows。 More plastic built up the brow ridges； and implanted black artificial hair drove home the resemblance。 Contact lenses matched the color of his eyes and expanding rings in my nostrils flared them to the original's cave…like size。 All that remained then was to transfer his fingerprints to the skintight and invisible plastic that covered my own fingers。 Nothing to it。
While I altered Vaska's best uniform to a better fit for me he roseas instructedand ate some of the cold dinner。 Sleep overcame him soon after that and this time he retired to the bed in the other room where his snores and grumbles would not annoy me。
I mixed a stiff drink and retired early。 The morrow would be a busy day in my new identity。 I was going into the Space Armada。
With a little luck I might get a clue as to the nature of their remarkable military powers。
Chapter 8
〃I'm sorry； sir； but you can't get in；〃 the guard in front of the gate said。 The gate itself was made of riveted steel and was solidly set into a high stone wall capped with many strands of barbed wire。
〃What do you mean I can't get in？ I have been ordered to Glupost；〃 I shouted in my best military…obnoxious manner。 〃Now press the button or whatever else you do to unlock that thing。〃
〃I can't open it； sir； the base is sealed from the inside。 I'm stationed with the outside guard detail。〃
〃I want to see your superior officer。〃
〃Here I am；〃 a cold voice said in my ear。 〃What is this disturbance？〃
When I turned around I looked at his lieutenant's bar and he looked at my flight…major's double cross and I won that argument。 He led me to the guardhouse and Acre was a lot of calling back and forth on the TV phone until he handed it to me and I looked a steely…eyed colonel in the face。 I had already lost this argument。
〃The base is sealed； flight…major；〃 he said。
〃I have orders to report here； sir。〃
〃You were to report here yesterday。 You have overstayed your leave。〃
〃I'm sorry； sir； must have been an error in recording。 My orders read report today。〃 I held them up and saw that the reporting date was the previous day。 That drunkard Vaska had got me into the trouble he deserved himself。 The colonel smiled with all the sweetness of a king cobra in rut。
〃If the mistake were in the orders； flight…major； there would certainly be no difficulty。 Since the mistake was yours； lieutenant； we know where the error lies。 Report to the security entrance。〃
I hung up the phone and the guard lieutenant； grinning evilly； handed me a set of lieutenant's bars。 I unclipped my double…crosses and accepted the humbler rank。 I hoped promotion was as fast as demotion in the Space Armada。 A guard detail marched me along the wall to a smaller airlock type of entrance and I was passed through。 My credentials and orders were examined； my fingerprints taken； and in a few minutes I was through the last gate and inside the base of Glupost。
A car was summoned； a private soldier took my bags； we drove to the officers' quarters and I was shown to my room。 And all the time I kept my eyes open。 Not that there was anything fascinating to see。 See one military base and you've seen them all。 Buildings； tents； chaps in uniform doing repetitious jumping； heavy expensive equipment all painted the same color； that sort of thing。 What I had