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〃I AM NOT inclined to favor this expedition；〃 my father said。 His words caught me unprepared。 Rah' had laid the groundwork well； and I had been certain he would approve。
〃You must； Father；〃 I pleaded。 〃I doubt there shall ever be such an opportunity in my lifetime。 Please； you must give me your blessing。〃
〃There is nothing I must do； Amalric；〃 my father replied 〃Except pay my tithes to the Council of Evocators； my taxes to the Magistrates； and a gold coin to the Seeker； to make my passage to the other world painless and swift。 These things； I must do。 Favoring a foolish voyage by a hotheaded stripling of a son is fortunately not a requirement of my existence。〃
〃Forgive me for using that word； Father；〃 I said； chastened。 〃But please tell me what I can say to convince you。 Is it the goal itself you find unworthy？ Do you doubt the existence of the Far Kingdoms？〃 My father only looked at me。 Not angrily； not sternly； but with great weariness。 He did not have to use words to answer。 I remember my father being very old at that time； although I am much older now than he was on that day of confrontation。 His hair was white； close cropped like a helmet； in the manner of his generation。 He had a small； neat beard…also white。 His face was lined and his skin leathered from exposure in his travels。 His hands were larger than most and spotted with age。 But I realize now Paphos Karima Antero…the patriarch of our family…was only a few years past his prime； and the great age I recall is more a view from my own； very tender years。 He seemed so wise； then。 I suppose I viewed him a bit like a god。 So when he fixed me with that look； my heart sank and I felt small and unworthy。 For I saw it was myself who was lacking。 I was the reason the journey to the Far Kingdoms was not to be。
Except for the crackling of the fire in the stone hollow behind my father's desk against the chill only he felt； there was no sound in the room as I considered how to plead my cause。 〃I know I have been a grave disappointment to you； Father；〃 I said at last。 〃My conduct has been unforgivable。 To say I am deeply and truly sorry would be such a weak repayment for my sins that no apology…no matter how abject…should weigh the balance in my favor。〃
My father continued his steady； testing gaze。
'This may appear like a sudden； wild enthusiasm on my part。 And considering my past history； I would also reject my plan； if I were a father with such a son。 But； I beg you； sir； to look into my heart and see the truth that lies there。 I desire nothing more than to please you。 To wipe away all thought of suspicion of my future motives。 To be worthy of the Antero name； so my father can speak proudly in the marketplace。〃 I fell silent； not sure how to proceed。
〃Is that all you have to say？' my father asked； voice harsh。
〃No； sir。 I also wish to make clear that no matter what your decision； I shall accept it without plaint； and I shall do my best to acplish whatever Finding you deem worthy for one such as me。 However； before you firmly shut the door； sir； please consider this。 For most men my age； a Finding is only an excuse to travel and pleasure themselves at their fathers' expense。 No new ground is ever broken。 Knowledge of the world is not expanded。 And our trade routes still bump against the same forces that keep Orissans from achieving their true purpose。 Your generation was the last to push those bounds back； sir。 You； yourself； dared to redraw the maps with your Finding many years ago。 And much of our knowledge of the furthest western regions es from your later trading expeditions。 But you must admit； the tradition of Finding One's Tradewind has bee a mockery in these days。 It is an excuse for the sons of the rich to spend their fathers' money on foreign luxuries and women and wine； out of sight of prudish Orissan eyes。 And they return with nothing but a firsthand knowledge of the best taverns and sporting houses in the civilized world。〃
〃You propose to be different？〃 my father said； dryly。
〃Yes； I do； Father。 For this reason； I ask for no more than a tenth of the funds usually allotted。 This is to be a real Finding； sir。 I will not purchase a fancy wardrobe to impress the courtesans。 Nor do I request coin for an entourage of my friends as is the current custom。 Nor do I desire any of the luxuries such caravans usually carry： fine tents and carpets and pillows to ease the passage； wines and delicacies to soothe the pallet after much barbarian fare； slaves to do all the labor； or women to relieve our passions when local pleasures are denied us。 I intend for this expedition to be as lean and professionally equipped as I can make it。 And with such a small expense there is a good possibility it will be profitable； even if we do not reach our goal。 I further believe； sir； that I was most fortunate in meeting Captain Greycloak； a man whose presence doubly assures success in any such venture。〃
〃What if I approved the Finding； but to a different destination？〃 my father asked。
〃I would do the same in all things； sir；〃 I answered。 〃Except I would not do it so well； because I would not have Captain Greycloak in my pany。 I would be disappointed； to be sure。 But proving to you my worthiness； Father； is more important to me than avoiding disappointment。〃 I stopped； then。 For no other arguments presented themselves。 I braced for his rejection。 Begging Halab's ghost to help me take his refusal well。
There came a tapping at the door。 My father's servant； Tegry； poked his head in。 I saw a small grin of pleasure on his features。 It grew larger when he spied my obvious disfort。 He was chuckling to himself； no doubt； that I was finally to get proper punishment for my actions。
〃What is it？〃 my father asked； testy。 Tegry's grin vanished。 My father's tone was dangerous。
〃You asked to be informed； master； when Captain Greycloak arrived。〃
I was dismayed。 Obviously； my father had asked Janos to attend my final humiliation。 I tried not to be angry because this would be a rudeness to Janos as well。 〃Send him in；〃 my father said。 〃And bring us some wine。 None of that vinegar from the marketplace； mind you。 Fetch a good bottle from my cellar。〃 My gut wrenched as Tegry shot a nasty look in my direction and disappeared to do as he was told。
My father's actions were very puzzling。 What he said to me next was more puzzling still。 〃For once； I do not quarrel with the pany you keep。 And I did not rely alone on your sister's evaluation of Janos Greycloak。 Captain Greycloak seems to be an excellent soldier to mand the military side of such an expedition 。。。 if it is approved。 I was impressed enough with him； as a matter of fact； to invite him here to personally tell him I find no fault in his character。 It would be rude to do otherwise。〃
I heard Janos' boot steps in the hallway； and I wanted to slink away like an incontinent mongrel who had just fouled his favorite spot by the fire。 〃e in； my good captain；〃 my father called with loud cheer when Tegry announced Janos。 'Thank you for being so prompt in answering my request。〃
Janos had dressed with care and made a fine impression as he entered and bowed low。 〃It was my own great pleasure in your kind invitation that brought me so swiftly； Lord Antero；〃 Janos answered。
〃Here；… none of that；〃 my father said。 〃We should speak as equals； if you are to lead my son's expedition to the Far Kingdoms。 Call me Paphos； sir 。。。 if you please。〃
My jaw was polishing the hardwood floor。 My head was spinning with first confusion； then sheer joy。 Tears sprung to my eyes； and I felt a lump in my throat threatening to bee a great sob of relief。 I wanted to fling myself at my father's feet and babble my thanks。
My father smiled and gave me a wink。 〃Pour us a little of that wine that Tegry has fetched； Amalric；〃 he said。 〃I want Janos' opinion of it。〃
I poured and passed the goblets around。 Janos gave me an odd look； but I turned away so I wouldn't make a plete ass of myself。 I barely heard the conversation that ensued over the next hour。 The exchange must have been pleasant； as well as to Janos' credit； for there was much laughter at my father's jests and respectful silences when he related some of his favorite adventures。
I kept wondering…what had I missed？ A moment before my Finding had been denied。 Now it had been heartily approved and was being blessed with toasts of my father's best wine。 In other words； where had I gone right？ What had I said to change the notoriously stubborn mind of one Paphos Karima Antero？ Then I understood； at least partly。 His refusal had been a test。 It wasn't what I had said that won the day； but the heartfelt passion of my defense。 It was a ploy I have used many times myself since that day。 It has served me well。
〃There is one matter we need to be absolutely certain of from the beginning；〃 I heard my father tell Janos。
〃And what is that； sir？〃 Janos asked。
〃In my experience； one of the greatest causes for an expedition's failure is that a clear line of authority and responsibility is not drawn。〃
〃Your wisdom is much greater than mine；〃 Janos said。 〃So I would not presume to argue such a thing。 Especially since my own small experience bears your words out as plete and total truth。〃