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My heart was hurting me in my chest。 I was sweating all over。 This was a waste of time。 〃Give me absolution； then；〃 I said。
〃I want to ask something of you；〃 he said。 He touched my hand。 He was trembling。 He looked more dazed and perplexed than even before； and very concerned； for my state of mind； I assumed。
〃What is that？〃 I said coldly。 I wanted to get away。 I had to find a monastery！ Or a damned alchemist。 There were alchemists in this town。 I could find someone； someone who had read the old works； the works of Hermes Trismegistus or Lactantius or St。 Augustine； somebody who knew about demons。
〃Have you read St。 Thomas Aquinas？〃 I asked； choosing the most obvious demonologist of whom I could think。 〃Father； he talks all about demons。 Look； you think I would have believed all this myself last year at this time？ I thought all sorcery was for backdoor swindlers。 These were demons！〃 I could not be deterred。 I went at him。
〃Father； in the Summa Theologica； the first book； St。 Thomas talks of the fallen angels； that some of them are allowed to be here on earth； so that all of these fallen angels don't just fall out of the natural scheme of things。 They are here； allowed to be useful； to tempt men； and Father； they carry the fire of Hell about with them！ It's in St。 Thomas。 They are here。 They have。。。 have。。。 bodies we can't understand。 The Summa says so。 It says that angels have bodies which are beyond our understanding！ That's what this woman possesses。〃 I struggled to remember the actual argument。 I struggled in Latin。 〃This is what she does； this being！ It's a form； it's a limited form； but one that I can't understand； but she was there； and I know it on account of her actions。〃 He put up his hand for my patience。
〃Son； please；〃 he said。 〃Allow me to confide what you have confessed to me to the Pastor；〃 he asked me。 〃You understand； if I do this； he too will be bound by the same Seal of Confession as I am bound。 But let me ask him to e in and let me tell him what you have said； and let me ask that he speak to you。 You understand； I cannot do any of this without your solemn permission。〃
〃Yes； I know all that；〃 I said。 〃What good will this do？ Let me see this Pastor。〃
Now I was being too haughty entirely； too impertinent。 I was exhausted。 I was doing the old Signore trick of treating a country priest like he was a servant。 This was a man of God； and I had to get a grip on myself。 Maybe the Pastor had read more； understood more。 Oh； but who would understand who had not seen？ There came back to me a fleeting yet vivid and searing memory of my father's anxious face on the night before the demons had struck。 The pain was inexpressible。
〃I'm sorry； Father；〃 I said to the priest。 I winced； trying to contain this memory； this awful drench of misery and hopelessness。 I wondered why any of us were alive； ever； for any reason！
And then the words of my exquisite tormentor came back； her own tortured voice of the last night saying that she had been young too； and such a paragon。 What had she meant； speaking of herself with such sorrow？
My study of Aquinas came back to haunt me。 Were not demons supposed to remain absolutely confirmed in their hatred of us？ In the pride which had made them sin？
That was not the sinuous luscious creature who had e to me。 But this was folly。 I was feeling for her； which is what she had wanted me to do。 I had only so many hours of daylight to plan her destruction and must be on with it。
〃Please； yes； Father； as you wish；〃 I said。 〃But bless me first。〃
This drew him out of his troubled ruminations。 He looked at me as if I'd startled him。 At once he gave his blessing and his absolution。
〃You can do what you wish with the Pastor；〃 I said。 〃Yes； please； ask the Pastor if he will see me。 And here； for the church。〃 I gave him several ducats。
He stared at the money。 But he didn't touch it。 He stared at this gold as if it were hot coals。
〃Father； take it。 This is a tidy little fortune。 Take it。〃
〃No； you wait here … or I tell you what； you e out into the garden。〃
The garden was lovely； a little old grotto； from which you could see the town sneaking up on the right all the way to the castle； and then you could see over the walls far out over the mountains。 There was an antique statue of St。 Dominic there； a fountain and a bench； and some old words carved into the stone about a miracle。
I sat down on the bench。 I looked up at the healthy blue sky and the virgin white clouds； and I tried to catch my breath inside of myself。 Could I be mad？ I wondered。 That was ridiculous。
The Pastor startled me。 He came plunging out of the low arched doorway of the rectory； an elderly man with almost no hair at all； and a small bulging nose and ferocious large eyes。 The younger priest was running to keep up with him。
〃Get out of here；〃 the Pastor said to me in a whisper。 〃Get out of our town。 Get clear away from it； and don't tell your stories to anybody in it； you hear me？〃
〃What？〃 I asked。 〃What sort of solace is this！〃 He was steaming。 〃I'm warning you。〃
〃Warning me of what？〃 I demanded。 I didn't bother to get up from the bench。 He glowered over me。 〃You're under the Seal of Confession。 What are you going to do if I don't leave？〃 I asked。
〃I don't have to do anything； that's just it！〃 he said。 〃Go away and take your misery with you。〃 He stopped； clearly at a loss； embarrassed perhaps； as if he'd said something he regretted。 He ground his teeth and looked off and then back at me。
〃For your own sake； leave；〃 he said in a whisper。 He looked at the other priest。 〃You go；〃 he said； 〃and let me talk to him。〃
The young priest was in a total fright。 He left immediately。 I looked up at the Pastor。
〃Leave；〃 he said to me in his low； mean voice； his lower lip drawing back to reveal his lower teeth。 〃Get out of our town。 Get out of Santa Maddalana。〃
I looked at him with cold contempt。 〃You know about them； don't you？〃 I said in a low voice。
〃You're mad。 Mad！〃 he said。 〃If you speak of demons to people here you'll end up burnt at the stake yourself for a sorcerer。 You think it can't happen？〃 It was hatred in his eyes； shameless hatred。
〃Oh； poor damned priest；〃 I said； 〃you're in league with the Devil。〃
〃Get out！〃 he growled。
I got up and looked down into his swelling eyes； his pouting； overworked mouth。
〃Don't you dare break the Seal of my Confession； Father；〃 I said。 〃If you do； I'll kill you。〃 He stood stock…still； staring at me。
I smiled very coldly and went to pass on through the rectory and away。
He ran after me； whispering like a steaming kettle。 〃You misunderstand everything。 You're crazy； you're imagining things。 I'm trying to save you from persecution and villainization。〃
I turned around at the door to the church and glared him into utter silence。
〃You've tipped your hand；〃 I said。 〃You're too merciless。 Remember what I said。 Break the Seal and I'll kill you。〃
He was as frightened now as the young priest had been。
I stood looking at the altar for a long while； ignoring him； forgetting him utterly； my mind pretending to have thoughts in it； to be construing and planning when all I could do was endure。 Then I made the Sign of the Cross and I left the church。 I was in utter despair。
For a while I walked around。 Once again； it was only the most pleasant town I had ever seen； with everyone happily at work； with best…swept cobbled streets； and pretty flower boxes under all the windows； and prettily dressed people going about their affairs。
It was the cleanest place I'd ever seen in my life； and the most contented。 And the people； they were all eager to sell me their wares； but they didn't press it terribly much。 But it was an awfully dull town in a way。 There were no people my age； none at all that I saw。 In fact； there weren't all that many children。
What should I do？ Where should I go？ What was I looking for？
I didn't quite know how to answer my own questions； but I was certainly on my guard for the slightest evidence that this town somehow harbored the demons； that Ursula had not found me here； but that I had found her。
The mere thought of her overcame me with a cool； inviting shock of desire。 I saw her breasts； felt the taste of her； saw in a blurred flash the flowered meadow。 No！
Think。 Make some plan。 As for this town； no matter what the priest knew； these people were too wholesome for harboring demons。
5
THE PRICE OF PEACE AND THE PRICE OF VENGEANCE
AS the heat of the day started to really rise； I went into the arbor of the Inn for the heavy noon meal and sat down by myself under the wisteria； which was blooming magnificently over the latticework。 This place was on the same side of the town as the Dominican church； and it too had a lovely view of the town to the left and a view out over the mountains。
I closed my eyes； and putting my elbows on the table； I clasped my hands and I prayed。 〃God； tell me what to do。 Show me what is to be done。〃 And then I was quiet in my heart； waiting； thinking。 What were my choices？
Take this tale to Florence？ Who would believe it？ Go to Cosimo himself and tell him this story？ Much as I admired and trusted the Medici； I had to realize something。 Nobody of m