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s erection was back now； raging。 Thoughts of caution； of possible discovery； had departed his mind。 He was somewhere inside。 He was down a dark hole。
In the kitchen he yanked the bottom drawer of the stove out to its stop and threw pots and pans everywhere。 They made a dreadful clatter； but there was no satisfaction in mere clatter。 A rank of cupboards ran around three of the room's four sides。 He pulled them open one after the other。 He grabbed plates by the double handful and threw them on the floor。 Crockery jingled musically。 He swept the glasses out and grunted as they broke。 Among them was a set of eight delicate long…stemmed wine glasses that Donna had had since she was twelve years old。 She had read about 'hope chests' in some magazine or other and had determined to have such a chest of her own。 As it turned out； the wine glasses were the only thing she had actually put in hers before losing interest （her original grand intention had been to lay by enough to pletely furnish her bridal house or flat）； but she had had them for more than half her life； and they were treasured。
The gravy boat went。 The big serving platter。 The Sears radioltape player went on the floor with a heavy crunch。 Steve Kemp danced on it； he boogied on it。 His penis； hard as stone； throbbed inside his pants。 The vein in the center of his forehead throbbed in counterpoint。 He discovered booze under the small chromium sink in the corner。 He yanked out half… and three…quarters…full bottles by the armload and then flung them at the closed door of the kitchen closet one by one； throwing them overhand as hard as he could； the next day his right arm would be so stiff and sore he would barely be able to lift it to shoulder level。 Soon the blue closet door was running with Gilbey's Pi； jack Daniel's； J & B whisky； sticky green creme de menthe； the amaretto that had been a Christmas present from Roger and Althea Breakstone。 Glass twinkled benignly in the hot afternoon sunlight pouring through the windows over the sink。
Steve tore into the laundry room； where he found boxes of bleach； Spic 'n Span； Downy fabric softener in a large blue plastic bottle； Lestoil； Top job； and three kinds of powdered detergent。 He ran back and forth pouring these cleaning potions everywhere。
He had just emptied the last carton … when he saw the message scrawled on the noteminder in Donna's unmistakable spiky handwriting： Tad & I have gone out to
Camber's garage w/pinto。 Back soon。
That brought him back to the realities of the situation with a bang。 He had already been here half an hour at least； maybe longer。 The time had passed in a red blur； and it was hard to peg it any more closely than that。 How Iong had she been gone when he came in？ Who had the note been Ieft for？
Anybody who might pop in； or someone specific？ He had to get out of here 。。。 but there was one other thing he had to do first。
He erased the message on the noteminder with one swipe of his sleeve and wrote in large block letters：
I LEFT SOMETHING UPSTAIRS FOR YOU； BABY
He took the stairs two by two and came into their bedroom； which was to the left of the second…floor landing。 He felt terribly pressed now； almost positive that the doorbell was going to ring or someone … another happy housewife； most likely … would poke her head in the back door and call （as he had）； Hi！ Anybody home？'
But； perversely； that added the final spice of excitement to this mad happening。 He unbuckled his belt； jerked his fly down； and let his jeans drop down around his knees。 He wasn't wearing underpants； he rarely did。 His cock stood out stiffly from a mass of reddish…gold pubic hair。 It didn't take long； he was too excited。 Two or three quick jerks through his closed fist and orgasm came； immediate and savage。 He spat semen onto the bedspread in a convulsion。
He yanked his jeans back up； raked the zipper closed （almost catching the head of his penis in the zipper's small teeth … that would have been a laugh； all right）； and ran or the door； buckling his belt again。 He would meet someone as he was going out。 Yes。 He felt positive of it； as if it were preordained。 Some happy housewife who would take one look at his flushed face； his bulging eyes； his tented jeans； and scream her head off。
He tried to prepare himself for it as he opened the back door and went out。 In retrospect it seemed that he had made enough noise to wake the dead 。。。 those pans！ Why had he thrown those fucking pans around？ What had he been thinking of？ Everyone in the neighborhood must have heard。
But there was no one in the yard or in the driveway。 The peace of the afternoon was undisturbed。 Across the street； a lawn sprinkler twirled unconcernedly。 A kid went by on roller skates。 Straight ahead was a high hedge which separated the Trentons' house lot from the next one over。 Looking to the left from the back stoop was a view of the town nestled at the bottom of the hill。 Steve could see the intersection of Route 117 and High Street quite dearly； the Town mon nestled in one of the angles made by the crossing of the two roads。 He stood there on the stoop； trying to get his shit back together。 His breath slowed a little at a time back into a more normal inhale…exhale pattern。 He found a pleasant afternoon face and put it on。 All this happened in the length of time it took for the traffic light on the corner to cycle from red to amber to green and back to red again。
What if she pulls into the driveway right now？
That got him going again。 He'd left his calling card； he didn't need any hassle from her on top of it。 There was no way she could do a thing anyway； unless she called the cops； and he didn't think she'd do that。 There were too many things he could tell： The Sex Life of the Great American Happy Housewife in Its Natural Habitat。 It had been a crazy scene； though。 Best to put miles between himself and CastIe Rock。 Maybe later he would give her a call。 Ask her how she had liked his work。 That might be sort of fun。
He walked down the driveway； turned left； and went back to his van。 He wasn't stopped。 Nobody took any undue notice of him。 A kid on roller skates zipped past him and shouted 'HW Steve hi'd him right back。
He got in the van and started it up。 He drove up 117 to 302 and followed that road to its intersection with Interstate 95 in Portland。 He took an Interstate time…and…toll ticket and rolled south。 He had begun having uneasy thoughts about what he had done … the red rage of destruction he had gone into when he saw that no one was home。 Had the retribution been too heavy for the offense？ So she didn't want to make it with him any more； so what？ He had trashed most of the goddamn house。 Did that； maybe； say something unpleasant about where his head was at？
He began to work on these questions a Iittle at a time； the way most people do； running an objective set of facts through a bath of various chemicals which； when taken together； make up the plex human perceptual mechanism known as subjectivity。 Like a schoolchild who works carefully first with the pencil； then with the eraser； then with the pencil again； he tore down what had happened and then carefully rebuilt it …redrew it in his mind … until both the facts and his perception of the facts jibed in a way he could five with。
When he reached Route 495； he turned west toward New York and the country that sprawled beyond； all the way to the silent reaches of Idaho； the place that Papa Hemingway had gone to when he was old and mortally hurt。 He felt the familiar lift in his feelings that came with cutting old ties and moving on … that magical thing that Huck had called 'fighting out for the territory。' At such times he felt almost newborn； felt strongly that he was in possession of the greatest freedom of all； the freedom to recreate himself。 He would have been unable to understand the significance if someone had pointed out the fact that； whether in Maine or in Idaho； he would still be apt to throw his racket down in angry frustration if he lost a game of tennis； that he would refuse to shake the hand of his opponent over the net； as he always had when he lost。 He only shook over the net when he won。
He stopped for the night in a small town called Twickenham。 His sleep was easy。 He had convinced himself that trashing the Trentons' house had not been an act of half…mad jealous pique but a piece of revolutionary anarchy … offing a couple of fat middle…class pigs； the sort who made it easy for the fascist overlords to remain in power by blindly paying their taxes and their telephone bills。 It had been an act of courage and of clean； justified fury。 It was his way of saying 'power to the people'； an idea he tried to incorporate in all his poems。
Still； he mused； as he turned toward sleep in the narrow motel bed； he wondered what Donna had thought of it when
she and the kid got home。 That sent him to sleep with a slight smile on his lips。
By three thirty that Tuesday afternoon； Donna had given up on the mailman。
She sat with one arm lightly around Tad； who was in a dazed half sleep； his lips cruelly puffed from the heat； his face hectic and flushed。 There was a tiny bit of milk left； and soon she would give it to him。 During the last three and a half hours …since what would have been lunchtime at hom