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It would have been nice if it had been a decade to the day since the dog died that I exhumed its skull； but in fact I was a few months late。 Nevertheless； the Year of the Skull ended with my old enemy in my power； the bone jug pulled from the ground like a very rotten tooth indeed one suitably dark and stormy night； by torchlight and Stoutstroke the trowel while my father was sleeping and I should have been； and the heavens shook with thunder； rain and gale。
I was shaking by the time I got the thing to the Bunker； nearly frightening myself to death with my paranoid imaginings； but I prevailed； I took the filthy skull there and I cleaned it and stuck a candle in it and I surrounded it with heavy magic； important things； and got back cold and wet to my warm little bed safely。
So； all things considered； I think I have done all right； handled my problem as well as it could have been handled。 My enemy is twice dead； and I still have him。 I am not a full man； and nothing can ever alter that； but I am me； and I regard that as pensation enough。
This burning dogs stuff is just nonsense。
7： Space Invaders
BEFORE I realised the birds were my occasional allies； I used to do unkind things to them： fish for them； shoot them； tie them to stakes at low tide； put electrically detonated bombs under their nests； and so on。
My favourite game was capturing two using bait and a net； then tying them together。 Usually they were gulls and I tied thick orange nylon fishing…line to a leg each； then sat on a dune and watched。 Sometimes I would have a gull and a crow but； whether they were the same species or not； they quickly found out they couldn't fly properly…though the twine was long enough in theory…and ended up （after a few hilariously clumsy aerobatics） fighting。
With one dead； though； the survivor…usually injured wasn't really any better off； attached to a heavy corpse instead of a live opponent。 I have seen a couple of determined ones peck the leg off their defeated adversary； but most were unable； or didn't think of it； and got caught by the rats during the night。
I had other games； but that one always struck me as one of my more mature inventions； symbolic somehow； and with a nice blend of callousness and irony。
One of the birds shat on Gravel as I pedalled up the path to town on the Tuesday morning。 I stopped； glared up at the wheeling gulls and a couple of thrushes； then got some grass and wiped the yellow…white mess off the front guard。 It was a bright； sunny day and a light breeze blew。 The forecast for the next few days was good； and I hoped the fine weather held for Eric's arrival。
I met Jamie in the lounge bar of the Cauldhame Arms for lunch and we sat playing an electronic game over a TV table。
'If he's that crazy； I don't know why they haven't caught him yet；' Jamie said。
'I've told you； he's crazy but he's very cunning。 He's not stupid。 He was always very bright； right from the start。 He was reading early and getting all his relations and uncles and aunts to say 〃Och； they're old so young these days〃 and things like that before I was even born。'
'But he is insane； all the same。'
'That's what they say； but I don't know。'
'What about the dogs？ And the maggots？'
'OK； that looks pretty crazy； I'll admit； but sometimes I think maybe he's up to something； maybe he's not really crazy after all。 Perhaps he just got fed up acting normal and decided to act crazy instead； and they locked him up because he went too far。'
'And he's mad at them；' Jamie grinned； drinking his pint as I annihilated various dodging； multi…coloured spacecraft on the screen。 I laughed。 'Yeah； if you like。 Oh； I don't know。 Maybe he really is crazy。 Maybe I am。 Maybe everybody is。 Or at least all of my family。'
'Now you're talking。'
I looked up at him for a second； then smiled。 'It does occur to me sometimes。 My dad's an eccentric。。。 I suppose I am； too。' I shrugged； concentrated on the space battle again。 'But it doesn't bother me。 There are a lot madder people about the place。'
Jamie sat in silence for a while as I went from screenful to screenful of wheeling； whining craft。 Finally my luck ran out and they caught me。 I took up my pint as Jamie settled in to blast a few of the gaudy formations。 I looked at the top of his head as he bent to the task。 He was starting to go bald； though I knew he was only twenty…three。 He reminded me again of a puppet； with his out…of…proportion head and stubby little arms and legs waggling with the exertion of punching the 'fire' button and jiggling the positioning joystick。
'Yeah；' he said after a while； still attacking the oning craft； 'and a lot of them seem to be politicians and presidents and things。'
'What？' I said； wondering what he was talking about。
'The madder people。 A lot of them seem to be leaders of countries or religions or armies。 The real loonies。'
'Aye； I suppose。' I said thoughtfully； watching the battle on the screen upside down。 'Or maybe they're the only sane ones。 After all； they're the ones with all the power and riches。 They're the ones who get everybody else to do what they want them to do； like die for them and work for them and get them into power and protect them and pay taxes and buy them toys； and they're the ones who'll survive another big war； in their bunkers and tunnels。 So； given things being the way they are； who's to say they're the loonies because they don't do things the way Joe Punter thinks they ought to be done？ If they thought the same way as Joe Punter； they'd be Joe Punter； and somebody else would be having all the fun。'
'Survival of the fittest。'
'Yeah。'
'Survival of the…' Jamie drew his breath in sharply and pulled the stick so hard he almost fell off his stool； but he managed to dodge the darting yellow bolts that had driven him into the corner of the screen '…nastiest。' He looked up at me and grinned quickly before hunching over the controls again。 I drank； nodded。
'If you like。 If the nastiest survive； then that's our tough shit。'
'〃Us〃 being all us Joe Punters；' Jamie said。
'Aye； or everybody。 The whole species。 If we're really so bad and so thick that we'd actually use all those wonderful H…bombs and Neutron bombs on each other； then maybe it's just as well we do wipe ourselves out before we can get into space and start doing horrible things to other races。'
'You mean we'll be the Space Invaders？'
'Yeah！' I laughed； and rocked back on my stool。 'That's it！ That's really us！' I laughed again and tapped the screen above a formation of red and green flapping things； just as one of them； peeling off to the side of the main pack； dived down firing at Jamie's craft； missing it with its shots but clipping him with one green wing as it disappeared off the bottom of the screen； so that Jamie's craft detonated in a blaze of flashing red and yellow。
'Shit；' he said； sitting back。 He shook his head。
I sat forward and waited for my craft to appear。
Just a little drunk on my three pints； I cycled back to the island whistling。 I always enjoyed my lunch…time chats with Jamie。 We sometimes talk when we meet on Saturday nights； but we can't hear when the bands are on； and afterwards I'm either too drunk to talk or； if I can speak； I'm too drunk to recall much of what I've said。 Which； e to think of it； is probably just as well； judging by the way people who are normally quite sensible dissolve into gibbering； rude； opinionated and bombastic idiots once the alcohol molecules in their bloodstream outnumber their neurons； or whatever。 Luckily； one only notices this if one stays sober oneself； so the solution is as pleasant （at the time； at least） as it is obvious。
My father was asleep in a deckchair in the front garden when I got back。 I left the bike in the shed and watched him from the shed door for a while； poised so that if he happened to wake up it would look as though I was just in the act of shutting the door。 His head was tilted a little to me and his mouth was slightly open。 He had dark glasses on； but I could just see through them to his closed eyes。
I had to go for a piss； so I didn't watch him for very long。 Not that I had any particular reason for watching him； I just liked doing it。 It made me feel good to know that I could see him and he couldn't see me； and that I was aware and fully conscious and he wasn't。
I went into the house。
I had spent Monday； after a cursory check of the Poles； making one or two repairs and improvements to the Factory； working through the afternoon until my eyes got sore and my father had to call up to me to e down for my dinner。
In the evening it rained； so I had stayed in and watched television。 I went to bed early。 Eric didn't call。
After I'd got rid of about half the beer I'd drunk in the Arms； I went to have another look at the Factory。 I clambered up into the loft； all sunlight and w