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ny things I could do I don't even know where to start thinking about them。 But it would be a big change； and I don't know that I'm ready for it yet。
I could feel myself starting to slide off into sleep； I began to imagine and see all sorts of weird things behind my eyes ： maze…shapes and spreading areas of unknown colours； then fantastic buildings and spaceships and weapons and landscapes。 I often wish I could remember my dreams better。。。。
Two years after I killed Blyth I murdered my young brother Paul； for quite different and more fundamental reasons than I'd disposed of Blyth； and then a year after that I did for my young cousin Esmerelda； more or less on a whim。
That's my score to date。 Three。 I haven't killed anybody for years； and don't intend to ever again。
It was just a stage I was going through。
3： In the Bunker
My GREATEST ENEMIES are Women and the Sea。 These things I hate。 Women because they are weak and stupid and live in the shadow of men and are nothing pared to them； and the Sea because it has always frustrated me； destroying what I have built； washing away what I have left； wiping clean the marks I have made。 And I'm not all that sure the Wind is blameless； either。
The Sea is a sort of mythological enemy； and I make what you might call sacrifices to it in my soul； fearing it a little； respecting it as you're supposed to； but in many ways treating it as an equal。 It does things to the world； and so do I； we should both be feared。 Women。。。 well； women are a bit too close for fort as far as I'm concerned。 I don't even like having them on the island； not even Mrs Clamp； who es every week on a Saturday to clean the house and deliver our supplies。 She's ancient； and sexless the way the very old and the very young are； but she's still been a woman； and I resent that； for my own good reason。
I woke the next morning； wondering if my father had e back or not。 Without bothering to dress； I went to his room。 I was going to try the door； but I could hear him snoring before I touched the handle； so I turned and went to the bathroom。
In the bathroom； after a piss； I went through my daily washing ritual。 First I had my shower。 The shower is the only time in any twenty…four…hour period I take my underpants right off。 I put the old pair in the dirty…linen bag in the airing cupboard。 I showered carefully； starting at my hair and ending between my toes and under my toenails。 Sometimes； when I have to make precious substances such as toenail cheese or belly…button fluff； I have to go without a shower or bath for days and days； I hate doing this because I soon feel dirty and itchy； and the only bright thing about such abstinence is how good it feels to have a shower at the end of it。
After my shower； and a brisk rub…down with first a face…cloth and then a towel； I trimmed my nails。 Then I brushed my teeth thoroughly with my electric toothbrush。 Next the shave。 I always use shaving foam and the latest razors （twin…blade swivel…heads are state…of…the…art at the moment）； removing the downy brown growth of the previous day and night with dexterity and precision。 As with all my ablutions； the shave follows a definite and predetermined pattern； I take the same number of strokes of the same length in the same sequence each morning。 As always； I felt a rising tingle of excitement as I contemplated the meticulously shorn surfaces of my face。
I blew and picked my nose clean； washed my hands； cleaned the razor； nail…clipper； shower and basin； rinsed out the flannel and bed my hair。 Happily I didn't have any spots； so there was nothing else required but a final handwash and a clean pair of underpants。 I placed all my washing materials； towels； razor and so forth exactly where they should be； wiped a little steam off the mirror on my bathroom cabinet； and returned to my room。
There I put on my socks； green for that day。 Then a khaki shirt with pockets。 In the winter I'd have a vest underneath and a green army jumper over the shirt； but not in the summer。 My green cord trousers came next； followed by my fawn Kickers boots； labels removed as from everything I wear because I refuse to be a walking advertisement for anybody。 My bat jacket； knife； bags； catapult and other equipment I took down to the kitchen with me。
It was still early； and the rain I'd heard forecast the previous night was looking about ready to drop。 I had my modest breakfast； and I was ready。
I went out into the fresh damp morning； walking quickly to keep warm and get round the island before any rain started。 The hills beyond the town were hidden by cloud； and the sea was rough as the wind freshened。 The grass was heavy with dew； drops of mist bowed the unopened flowers and clung to my Sacrifice Poles； too； like clear blood on the shrivelled heads and tiny； desiccated bodies。
A couple of jets screamed over the island at one point； two Jaguars wing to wing about one hundred metres up and going fast； crossing the whole island in an eye…blink and racing out to sea。 I glared at them； then went on my way。 Once they made me jump； another couple of them； a couple of years ago。 They came in illegally low after bombing practice on the range just down the firth； blasting over the island so suddenly that I jumped while in the delicate manoeuvre of teasing a wasp into a jar from the old tree stump near the ruined sheep…pen at the north end of the island。 The wasp stung me。
I went into town that day； bought an extra plastic model of a Jaguar； made the kit up that afternoon and ceremonially blew it to pieces on the roof of the Bunker with a small pipe…bomb。 Two weeks later a Jaguar crashed into the sea off Nairn； though the pilot ejected in time。 I'd like to think the Power was working then； but I suspect it was coincidence； high…performance jets crash so often it was no real surprise my symbolic and their real destruction came within a fortnight of each other。
I sat on the earth banking that looks out over the Muddy Creek and ate an apple。 I leaned back on the young tree that as a sapling had been the Killer。 It was grown now； and a good bit taller than me； but when I was young and we were the same size it had been my static catapult defending the southerly approaches to the island。 Then； as now； it looked out over the broad creek and the gunmetal…coloured mud with the eaten…looking wreck of an old fishing boat sticking out of it。
After the Tale of Old Saul I put the catapult to another use； and it became the Killer； scourge of hamsters； mice and gerbils。
I remember that it could whack a fist…sized stone well over the creek and twenty metres or more into the undulating ground on the mainland； and once I got keyed into its natural rhythm I could send off a shot every two seconds。 I could place them anywhere within a sixty…degree angle by varying the direction in which I pulled the sapling over and down。 I didn't use a little animal every two seconds； they were expended at a few a week。 For six months I was the best customer the Porteneil Pet Shop had； going in every Saturday to get a couple of beasts； and about every month buying a tube of badminton shuttlecocks from the toyshop as well。 I doubt anybody ever put the two together； apart from me。
It was all for a purpose； of course； little that I do is not； one way or another。 I was looking for Old Saul's skull。
I threw the core of the apple over the creek； it plopped into the mud on the far bank with a satisfying slurp。 I decided it was time to look into the Bunker properly； and set off along the bank at a jog； swinging round the southernmost dune towards the old pillbox。 I stopped to look at the shore。 There didn't seem to be anything interesting there； but I remembered the lesson of the day before； when I had stopped to sniff the air and everything had seemed fine； then ten minutes later I was wrestling with a kamikaze rabbit； so I trotted down off the side of the dune and down to the line of debris thrown up by the sea。
There was one bottle。 A very minor enemy； and empty。 I went down to the water…line and threw the bottle out。 It bobbed； head up； ten metres out。 The tide hadn't covered the pebbles yet； so I took up a handful and lobbed them at the bottle。 It was close enough to use the under…arm style； and the pebbles I'd selected were all of roughly the same size； so my fire was very accurate： four shots within splashing distance and a fifth which smashed the neck off the bottle。 A small victory really； because the decisive defeat of the bottles had e about long ago； shortly after I learned to throw； when I first realised the sea was an enemy。 It still tried me out now and again； though； and I was in no mood to allow even the slightest encroachment on my territory。
The bottle sunk； I returned to the dunes； went to the top of the one the Bunker lay half…buried in； and had a look round with my binoculars。 The coast was clear； even if the weather wasn't。 I went down to the Bunker。
I repaired the steel door years ago； loosening the rusted hinges and straightening the guides for the bolt。